Mama's Nest

I Moved!

2008-03-24T00:25:00.004-05:00

This mama has flown the blogger coup, you can now find me via my shiny new url ThisMamasNest.com over on Wordpress.

You Can Do Some Thing

2008-03-22T12:54:00.004-05:00

"Somewhere past the physical (the tangible) a high and lofty romance exists: a radiating, all encompassing force that easily blankets the most decrepit. It transforms the complacency of that which has lived into that which is alive. There, appreciation spills, without demand, for absolute beauty. For the simple things."

"He has made everything beautiful in His time..." Ecc. 3:11

I wrote a post some time ago about "this thing". This thing that makes me feel unlike any other. I promised more and someday I will bring it, when the time is right. Also, I never took the time to thank all of my readers for your respectful comments and dialog, so thank you.

Today I write because there is something brewing that desperately needs your attention and if your heart is in line with mine your signature may help to make a world of difference.

The Prenatally and Postnatally Diagnosed Conditions Act has been bouncing around since 2005 or so and has finally been backed by a Senate Committee and introduced. Studies are now showing that babies being diagnosed in utero with Down's, Cerebral Palsy, Dwarfism and many other conditions are being aborted 90% of the time!

"The bipartisan bill would provide $5 million “to increase the provision of scientifically sound information and support services to patients receiving a positive test diagnosis for Down syndrome or other prenatally and postnally diagnosed conditions.”

The bill would also “(1) increase patient referrals to providers of key support services for women who have received a positive test diagnosis for Down syndrome, or other prenatally or postnatally diagnosed conditions, as well as to provide up-to-date,comprehensive information about life expectancy, development potential, and quality of life for a child born with Down syndrome or other prenatally diagnosed condition; (2) strengthen existing networks of support through a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention patient and provider outreach program; (3) improve available data by incorporating information directly revealed by prenatal or postnatal testing into existing State-based surveillance programs for birth defects and prenatally or postnally diagnosed conditions; and (4) ensure that patients receive up-to-date, scientific information about the accuracy of the test.”"*

There is currently ZERO training within ACOG in regards to follow-up counseling if a prenatal test comes back positive for Down's, meaning that in many cases the ONLY recommendation or option given by a woman's medical professional is to abort the baby. Which, regardless of where you stand, I think we can all agree is wrong. Parents of People with Down's Syndrome have created a petition to urge change and education in this realm. Their goal is 5,000 signatures and they currently have 1,750, so please head on over and sign away.

* excerpt from Townhall.com

So, That's Where We've Been

2008-03-22T11:57:00.003-05:00

One van. One mama. One sister. One 2 year old. One French Bulldog.

3,864 miles. 8 days.

More when the road weariness subsides!

Spring Has Hatched

2008-03-10T14:40:00.002-05:00

After much time spent scouring the internets and local shops for the perfect fabrics, sewing the nights away and a week of amazingly entertaining photo shoots I am ecstatic to announce that my Spring Collection and Hatchling Slings are LIVE at nest!!!

So much thanks to my boys and all of my models (Jaymi, Popeye and The Beast, Carter, Carrington and Capri, Charlie and Jaime, and Allison)

So Long Soley-Sue

2008-03-07T22:55:00.010-06:00

Our experiment in dual doggy ownership failed miserably.

We knew that our beloved Oliver needed a playmate and after Christmas set out to find a new pup. After a huge let down at the shelter we decided to hunt for the perfect red Dobie. We found him through a somewhat local breeder and brought our Solomon home at the end of January. Today he found yet another home.

Sweet Solomon

Ok, I'll admit it, David wasn't entirely on board, he was for me, but if it had been completely up to him....notsomuch. I was a wee bit trying to self-medicate with dog, I think. I have always been an animal lover, never turned down a stray, have always used those furry four legged loves as my outlets for affection and companionship, the whole bit. But then this funny thing happened. I became a mom and as much as my animal kids were loved and cared for, the human babe took over priority number one.

But lately Oli had me stressed, he was lonely, I was feeling a discontent and then when my dad died... I needed something and that seemed to be it.

I won't say it didn't help. To have this gorgeous, sweet, loving creature in our midst was awesome. Oliver immediately changed into the dog we knew he could be, and Xavier loooooved his baby puppy. But it wasn't all roses, the poop multiplied, the stress multiplied, the one more thing to take care of quickly became too much. We were tripping over ourselves and quite literally having our ankles chewed on by a teething pup, who was quickly gaining size on our 2 year old. He was my responsibility and I finally admitted I just couldn't do it anymore.

After two weeks of answering emails and phone calls. Of denying way too many people because they were more interested in chopping his ears off than hearing about how sweet he is, we found the perfect parents to adopt our not so tiny pup.

They came, they visited, they left with 4 more legs.

We're sad. Xavier said goodbye, but I think it will take a day or two to sink in. Oliver is lost and moping. But at the same time there is a relief. A weight that has lifted.

One of the hardest things in seeing him go, was deciding that it's not fair to keep Oliver as an only dog, he really needs a canine companion for himself. And so next week, Xavier, my sister and I, will pack up the car and make the long drive down to Arizona to drop him off with my brother and sister-in-love. They love him, want him, and can give him what we can't right now. I don't know if we could do it if he wasn't staying in the family, but he is, and we can.

Oliver's First Bath (yes, there are pictures)

While it stinks, again, I'm feeling relief- even if for silly things. I'm looking forward to a house that is a little quieter, a lot cleaner. To not have to interrupt a moment with my husband or my boy because the dog needs to go out, or eat, or just pooped/peed/threw up on the floor again, will be heaven. To know my boy is safe from nips and accidental knock downs gives this mama a piece of mind that I haven't had before. I fear the emptiness, the lack of snoring, snorting, bulldog. But it just doesn't feel optional right now.

When X is older, when he can help, when he's bigger. When we have a different house, and different schedules and firmer roots. I think then we might be able to introduce another living breathing thing into our lives. Right now, we prepare to say goodbye.

Wordless Wednesday - The Naked Chef

2008-03-05T01:45:00.001-06:00

Best Shot Monday - One of These Things is Not Like the Other

2008-03-03T18:59:00.003-06:00

Xavier in front of his favorite Ankylsaurus, pointing out his more favorite Appatasaurus behind me. He insisted I shoot him in front of every. single. dino. but was so excited he couldn't stand still. We ended up with a bunch of blurry, touristy shots but I love this one- his expression and the fact he looks superimposed in the frame.

Many more inspiring shots this a way.

Happy Month Little Dreadlings

2008-02-27T00:13:00.007-06:00

So, I seem to have bypassed my first little dreadiversary. My new locks have been around for over a month now and are coming along beautifully. The first couple weeks were spent avoiding mirrors and donning all sorts of head gear. I rolled and rolled and rolled them and was often frightened by my own reflection. I'm really starting to love them though, especially my tiny little bangs...

I went out for the first time without a hat or wrap this weekend quite confidently, it was really freeing. And I'm starting to get used to looking at my mug as it is without hair covering half it. The biggest change is actually having hair with some oomph, for the first time in, oh, ever.

It's not without work though, these babies keep me busy. I've probably spent more time on my hair this month than I have in last year combined. My latest feat is separating (read: ripping - ouch!) my dreads in two (or three or four) to get the tiny little locks my head desires.

I'm thinking by this summer they'll pretty much be set. I'm happy, I love it, feels like me.

Maybe I'll Finally Give Up Cheese After All

2008-02-18T15:14:00.002-06:00

Via Treehugger. Laughing so hard, I can't begin to explain it...

Diversified

2008-02-16T11:44:00.003-06:00

I've been keeping busy over at my Photo Blog and after I let my account sit idle for awhile, I'm really digging Twitter.

If things are quiet here, it might just be because I'm busy blabbing over there.

Off to Snuggle Up With This Kid

2008-02-16T00:27:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday - Catch Me If You Can

2008-02-12T23:32:00.001-06:00

Wake up and smell the bull poopy, alternatively craptastic no more

2008-02-11T16:55:00.000-06:00

You asked for it, warts and all...

I am quite literally a mess. Things have caught up with me lately and drug me down deeper than I've ever been before. I am weak, vulnerable, insecure. Issues I thought laid to rest years past are back, fierce and consuming. One (albeit enormous) event has opened wounds and reactions obviously less healed than I'd like to imagine.

Those who know me personally know my history. I've been through some tough shit and while I've forgiven and forgotten much, I struggle with the person it's made me. Or who it hasn't. With the girl who learned how to protect herself from a tyrant but never learned who she was meant to be. Always on edge- defensive, assuming the victim role because no matter how awful, it feels like home, it's what I know. Assuming that I must have done something wrong when the phone doesn't ring or my inbox isn't full to the point I make myself physically ill. And insecurities that cut so deep I am worthless, questioning those who have spent years doing nothing but consistently inserting their love and devotion.

There are reasons, obvious, glaring, neon reasons, but they ceased being excuses long ago. When I decided to become a wife, a mother, a friend I gave up the right to sink my own ship. And baby, this one's going down. Bottom line is I can put on a good act but it's not enough anymore. I am no fun to be around, I hear myself disagreeing with everything my other half says for absolutely no reason. I get frustrated with my baby rather than take a millisecond to realize he's two, and I actually real like two. I get two. I feel left out, left behind by friends rather than rejoicing in the fact our little family just keeps on getting larger. I create realities that do not exist. I idealize. I idealize. I disappoint.

I try to teach my son how to respect, and how to communicate and in it's midst realize that while I innately know how to teach him, I don't know those truths myself. I never learned. Or I did and lost it along the way. I have no self. No security. I have confidence in one area in my life. I am an awful wife, a crappy friend but I was put here to be a mother. So that's where I start.

I don't know how to rebuild, exactly how to forge ahead seems daunting at best, but if I can look at my ability to mother, how I just get that without foundation, and expound. If I can allow that to carry over, to encompass other aspects of my life I think I'll be ok. I think we'll be ok.

If I have let you down in recent days, or months or years, I apologize. If you're gone I probably had it coming. If you're still around you must be really awesome and definitely love me more than is deserved. If you're new to the scene it might be a little bumpy for a bit but you have complete permission to apply foot to ass as needed.

It's now or never and I have a whole lot riding on me.

girls are weird

2008-02-07T12:13:00.000-06:00

I feel obligated to start by saying that I have an awesome clan of girly friends for the first time in a long time. The kind of friends that send you the MLS listing to the house across the street (while living several states away), show up at funerals, know what's going on with you without having to say a word and can have a conversation looking you in the eye even though you presently look like a poor man's Sideshow Bob. I love them. And at this stage in my life Friends are family bottom line.

But all this goodness can make those relationships that aren't, stand out like that strange odor coming from my garbage disposal.

I have this friend who since meeting a few years ago I've felt connected to. Similar interests, history, place in our lives, not to mention the common people intertwined. I just think she's awesome. But there is this valley that just can't seem to be crossed. For every attempt to connect or draw closer is matched with a push in the other direction, with jealousy or comparison or competition. Support or personal experience is drunk in as judgment. And it's frustrating! I've spent so much time sensoring myself, wondering what else can I do? HAVE I done something to create this? I even made the mistake of trying to talk to my dear husband about things, who now thinks us women and our relational drama are completely mad.

Now, I'm not saying all of my friends need to best friends there are those I only talk to once or twice a year, thanks to this here blog there are gals I barely know but would consider friends in a heartbeat, I get that. But this relationship, for lack of grown up linguistics, just feels yucky. Often. And in dissecting things I've come to an enlightening realization... It's not me. Has positively nothing to do with me. It's freeing. And while this doesn't neccesarily mean I'll stop caring or will withdraw my hand, it has given me permission to stop worrying, to stop taking it personally. And has given me freedom to focus elsewhere.

Days Like This...

2008-02-05T00:13:00.000-06:00

My baby is sick. Projectilius Vomitus, triple digit heat, moans and groans and... giggles. It's days like today that I realize just how sloppy in love I still am. Those early days were easy, the newness, the novelty, the hormones - but over time it wears a little, only it doesn't, it tunnels, it deepens, this giddy glorious gush becomes a primal all encompassing adoration.

But it also becomes normal. When the days turn to weeks turn to months and now years! you get used to this little human being existing, amazing. And life happens, we do and move and busy. We live. And then it hits me, I realize it's been a really long time since I've stopped to drink it all in. I'll never be able to write enough down, to photograph each instant I'd like would mean me behind a lens rather than in a moment, and memories fade too quickly... still there are too many blank pages in the baby book, too many posts here about me, about stuff, about nothing.

So rather than want to, I will, I am in this moment documenting glimpses of forever...

Dear Xavier, 25 months, 20 days, 25 Things that make me smile

Absolutely comes out Abo-lutsey and is often combined with a random name, as in "Abolutsey Pastor Tim"
The words "Ylang-Ylang" and Jockey illicit the biggest belly laughs I've ever seen
I don't know when the imagination began, but now it never ends. To see food become animals you've only read about, random space shuttle sightings in our living room and tales of adventure that dwarfs that on the silver screen amazes me.
You thought we should name Solomon, Yogurt, and will tell anyone who asks that he is not a dog but a "Dob-er-MAN puppy"
Yesterday you said, "Guess what Mama?! I love you!"
You made Papa fajita pancakes. My favorite.
Spidey says "I lub You" and he does.
Yoga.
When the going gets tough, nonny still cures all.
Boogie checks and belly buttons
Our daily dinosaur assignments. Today you told me I could be Velociraptor (you were Allosaurus) Papa was T-Rex. My favorite? Mamasaurus
Randomly, you'll tell me about angels, or Jesus. I struggle with our religion but you give me faith.
Celebrating poop.
You've asked me many times to have a baby in my belly so you can have a big sister. (let's keep talking about how that all works!)
"Yowt-see!" (Yahtzee)
Conversation. Words became sentences long ago and now paragraphs that I could listen to until the end of time. (and I will)
Your honesty.
Only time will tell what you'll "be" but the glimpses at your inherent gifts/likes/loves is awesome. Music, drumming!, painting, art, words.
My one man band. Two drum sticks and a microphone.
Your sometimes southern drawl.
The way you touch my cheeks and play with my hair and give me hugs and kisses. Those unsolicited "Mama IS pretty" comments don't hurt either.
If I forget to buckle you in your highchair you push yourself away from the table and say "I'm sorry Mama, it's ok" (I sometimes forget on purpose just so I can hear you say it)
The way your eyebrows furrow and your lips pucker when Papa leaves for work. "Where'd Papa go'd?" and the smile when "Papa IS home!"
No matter how silly, tired, squeezy, frustrated, stinky or happy I get, you want to be right by my side. (I wouldn't want to be anywhere else)
You love like I've never seen love before. People, animals, everyone, everything, unconditionally.

And The Winner Is...

2008-02-04T13:10:00.000-06:00

Melanie at I Love My Life is the winner of my Bloggy Giveaway! Congrats! One of my new Hatchling slings is on the way for your little one's.

Thanks to all who took the time to stop by and enter, it has been a joy having so many new blogs to visit! If you really, really, really wanted to win and didn't and would really, really, really like one, Hatchlings will be making their debut at nest next week! AND I would love to offer you all 25% off your purchase, just email me newmamasnest [at] gmail [dot] com for code. (applicable to Hatchling line only)

A Little Nest-iversary

2008-02-02T01:46:00.000-06:00

A year ago today, I launched my site to bring my other baby, nest, to the masses. My goal was to help mama's worldwide sling their babes in comfort and style and the past 365 days have been amazing! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your support!

Stop on by, there's a bit of a sale going on and keep watching- our Hatchling line and spring collection will be launching soon!

Newness

2008-01-31T21:34:00.000-06:00

We've been crazy traveling fools here in the Allen family. Well not really too crazy, and we haven't really traveled anywhere more than a couple hours away, but I feel like we've been up to something. The past 48 hours have seemed more like 48 days. In a good sort of way.

Yesterday brought a trip down to Indianapolis where X and David spent their first full day alone! Two words: Children's Museum. (Went splendidly by the way) They enjoyed a Papa/Son date while Mama got herself a new tattoo. Nest? Blackbird? Check! (Thanks Monte)

And on the way home, we stopped to pick up our new baby puppy love, sweet, sweet, Solomon.

He's just what we were missing...

and all is well with the world.

Another Bloggy Giveaway!

2008-01-28T14:49:00.000-06:00

So once again I am late, really late, 400 and something late... but here it is. Another Bloggy Giveaway Carnival and I have for you... A cute little child size ring sling, perfect for a little babywearer-to-be,

A glimpse of things to come from nest? Maybe, just maybe! I'm not telling!

To enter just leave a comment here. If you don't have a blog make sure you leave your email or another way to contact you. And be sure to check out all the other giveaways. Giveaway ends February 3rd. Good luck!

Dread Head

2008-01-20T12:48:00.001-06:00

The front, the back, the wrap...
(Don't mind the crazy face, I was a little excited!)

Hello

2008-01-20T00:51:00.001-06:00

I have dreads. Dreadlocks. My hair. Long day, awesome girls, new 'do. Love it. Picture to follow. FFM's up tomorrow.

One Month Removed

2008-01-12T21:26:00.000-06:00

I have been hesitant to discuss the details of my father's death. Hesitant because everyone has an opinion. Because people judge. Because my sister's father in law thought the day after my dad died would be the perfect time to trash him to our pastor. The pastor of the church we attend. David works. The pastor we chose to speak at my father's funeral.

And I don't know at this point what anyone knows. What my best friends know. What I know. But it's been a month (already? finally?) and I need to talk, I need answers, I need to do something. I can't find words. It's hard to speak. But here I can. I can get things out. Little, by little, by little.

My father took his own life. He hanged himself. At his home. Upstairs. I know why. And I don't know why. My father would NEVER do that. The man who raised me, who loved me, who was prouder of me and my family and my son and my being than should have been possible, never could have, never would have. He spoke out about such things. Spoke out because his father took his own life.

Which leads us to the man that really killed my father. The man, or the side of the man or piece of the man. The man with a disease. An illness. An illness that carries such stigma that despite cries and cries and cries for help, his life ended, was stolen. Gone.

He was an addict. Alcohol, pot, was what I knew. Was what I witnessed growing up. But at some point dabbling with other things, stronger things, took over. There were secrets. Bits and pieces. Some people knew the truth, new in reality what he was doing. That he was doing things he was always disgusted by. That he was changing and losing himself to these things. And yet, rather than help, they contributed. They kept secrets. Secrets of things that I still am not completely aware of. The tox report still isn't back and when it is I will know for sure, but best I can judge my father was in his final days.

Addicted to crack.

And even in my struggle to put an end to the stigma I shutter as I say that.

He was depressed. Who wouldn't be? Who seeing something so awful take control of their life would not fight and falter? And he did. At 50 he put himself in rehab for the first time. He detoxed and stepped out into the world with a clearer mind. We saw and had more of him those days than we had had in months, years. It was lovely. And at the same time he was set up for failure. I can only imagine the amount of courage, humility, humbling it took to say "I need help" and yet after a few days in hospital he was sent on his way with a half-assed plan for counseling and more drugs to help him not want to do the drugs his body, mind, wanted him to do. He was released into tainted situations. Released into the arms of people who were content to continue keeping secrets.

And you might want to feed me all the lines we hear so much. "He was a grown man", "You can't help people who don't want to help themselves", "He should have just got it together". But that's where the problem lies. The stigma. He was sick. Had a disease, a disease that I myself have struggled with and know the power of all too well. So was he a grown man? In years yes, but those years had been stunted and clouded by addiction. Did he want help? HELL YES. Why didn't he get it together? It's just not that easy. And I am content to say, I'm certain he'd tried.

He'd asked for help, seen doctor, after doctor, after doctor. And doctor, after doctor, after doctor wrote him a prescription and sent him on his way. After detox he got worse. He got worse because he had a clean slate and had to hide things all at the same time. His dabbling and overwrought moderation turned to more secrecy and binging. He hit bottom again and again. He drug his butt back to the hospital and told them HE WAS THINKING OF KILLING HIMSELF. And then they let him go.

I've read about these cases in my studies. Watched the stories on TV. But this was my Daddy. My son's dearly beloved Grandpa and I'll be damned if I'm content for it to happen again. To anyone.

And so I feel compelled to tell you about my Dad. The man he really was. The man who's life, should not be overshadowed by his passing. Clifford Eugene Wells, was a good man. A great man. The most loving, caring, giving man I have yet to meet. Perfect? No. But he'd be the first to tell you.

My father was an artist. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with him as I child in awe of the perfection with which he could sketch my favorite cartoon characters. His paintings sit in my house as memoirs of his youth. Bob Dylan, Joe Cocker. The greats.

My Dad was a musician. His voice would never have sold records, this half yell, part melody, part chuckle, but he sang still as free as a bird. His guitar was his baby, self taught and beloved. When I close my eyes I am immersed in backyard memories. Coming home too late at night I could usually find him out back by the pond. My silence, his notes plucked and strummed and sung away.

And while those are things he loved, things he found his identity in, the best thing about my Daddy was his heart. Despite the dark side, the things my father must have seen in his days, he held a child like innocence. He loved like a child. Cared unabashedly for everyone. He'd strike up a conversation in the check out line and gush to strangers about his kids. His grandkids. His fish. Anything. He'd walk into my house with a holler and a knock and make a bee line for my boy. In seconds they'd be rolling around on the floor together bursting with laughter. His enthusiasm was infectious.

And as with any father there were times when we fought. Times he annoyed and embarrassed me to no end. In high school my friends would come over to hang out with him. And when poor David asked him for permission to marry me, I never wanted to show my face again. And now as an adult those moments just add to the endless list of reasons I am enamored. Honored to be his daughter. What I would give to have just one more argument with him! To have an opportunity to thank him for my crooked nose. For proclaiming me a tree.

I am bruised and beat up and broken. I am trying my best to keep it together and am all together not okay. But it's not about me. It's about him. About disappointment and failure. I want to place blame and I could. We all could. At the secret keepers. At the lack of communication. At professionals who didn't take the time. At the fact that my brother and I are getting more information through hearsay and from the police than from family. We don't need protecting. We need truth.

My father needed truth.

I still have moments I forget. I am still practicing speaking and thinking in past tense. I can't tell you how many times I've picked up the phone to call him to tell him something trivial. And then I remember. I remember and I still let the phone ring, because that's still his voice on his voice mail and for a moment, he's alive.

Tag-tastic

2008-01-10T01:19:00.001-06:00

Steph tagged me. I'm it. Read up. 7 things you'll sleep better knowing about me....

1. Despite being veg for more than half my life I really love Bac-os. Your textured soy protein, artificially flavored, Red dye havin', crunchy little bacon flavored pieces of goodness are welcome in my taters anytime.

2. I can turn my elbow to the wrong side of my arm. Pure genius, you HAVE to see it!

3. I heart Elton John. (and Crass)

4. I have texture based aversion to firm yet squishy foods. (tomatoes top the list)

5. I have a lucky freckle.

6. I have a new blog. (Because I need something else to do)

7. I really love this man.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday - The Boy Turneth Two ( a month ago)

2008-01-09T00:19:00.000-06:00

Rise and Surprise!

Last minute Vegan Volcanic Dino cake

Happy Birthday to me!

Note to mom: maybe organic, all natural food dye, wasn't such a good idea

Wordless Wednesday - Bye Bye Christmas

2008-01-02T00:01:00.000-06:00

Review and Anew

2008-01-01T08:40:00.000-06:00

A month ago I would have told you I'd had a pretty good year. Weirdness and rough patches for sure but all and all I didn't have much to gripe about. Until December 11.

Tragedy, loss, finality. One day changed the tone of my entire year past and this year to come. My life, our lives, will never be the same. I'm still sorting through details, still reeling from the shock and torrents of emotion, in a cloud without any end in sight. I am grateful for a new year, for the idea of clean slates and starting over, and maybe it's age or new experience, but I've come to realize that as much as we like to say it, we don't just get to close the door and begin again. There is always residue- scabs and scars and areas that open and heal becoming tougher, stronger, less vulnerable and because of that, these things just don't go away. Nor would I want them to.

Last year I was resolved in stillness, I don't know that I've succeeded, but strides were made and I hope to continue.

On a lighter note, in keeping with tradition, here's my Year in Review...

January- Last New Year's was a joy
February- So what's that I've been up too?
March- Not my most eloquent post but you get the idea...
April- We're flying down to Nashville for a few days to visit our dear friends Scott and Carol and baby Liam.
May- Head on over to Mama C-ta to get the answers to all those questions that have been burning your soul.
June- This week I have nursed:
July- So once again I'm up to something... I got the idea to launch a Mama focused review site, full of great products, green tips and worthwhile causes and managed to get some of my favorite Mama's to jump on board.
August-Drink up...
September-Cook-out Schmook-out. We're all about the Dino's today.
October- Once upon a time, Mama and Papa were cool.
November- Doing nothing because I should be doing everything and I don't want to do it all.
December- What do you think about me changing my name to Grimgrump Rottenshorts?

Feliz Navidad

2007-12-23T21:51:00.001-06:00

We're FIVE!!!

2007-12-21T00:54:00.000-06:00

Five years ago today, I awoke from a fitful restless sleep, to butterflies and freshly fallen snow. I woke that day prepared to begin a new life, to wed the man of my dreams... my best friend. And now five years past, with butterflies and a blanket of snow, I prepare to curl up next to the man of my dreams, my best friend, and our son!, to continue the life we've established.

Never could have dreamed or hoped for more.

David,
All my love.
Happy Anniversary.
Here's to 5x10 and them some more.
xoxo,
S.F.B

Siete

2007-12-18T19:36:00.000-06:00

It's been a week. One week without my father gracing this earth. In some ways it has seemed an eternity, in others a flash. Yesterday was the hardest day yet. Last week we were busy- gathering info and making arrangements, my phone was ringing off the hook, my brother and sister in law were flying in. And in three short days there was a birthday, a funeral and a dino party. We were reeling but moving. Constantly. Busy.

Monday everyone went back to work, my brother flew home, my phone barely rang at all. Just me and Xavier. Quiet. My thoughts. It was a tough day. A day I survived one minute at a time.

I know the world must continue on, that I must continue on, but who's to say how long it can take before I have to rejoin the rest of you? Days, weeks, months, years? I've answered emails, approved orders and published reviews because people count on me. I wiped butts and noses, cooked and cleaned because my family needs me. I've slept because I need me. But it all feels so unimportant.

Today X and I finished our Christmas shopping- we avoided, we acted, we DID. There were moments of pure joy and moments where I literally said out loud, "I can't do this right now." The few calls I have received have quickly turned from concern- how am I, what do I need. To people telling me how they are and needing things from me. I don't want anyone doting on me, it's not about me, but I don't feel like I have anything to give.

Maybe this is depression. This is real.

I know everyone deals differently, some move and do and act normal because that's what works for them. Some deny that it all exists until they crumble or explode. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have a plan. I do know I'm destroyed, that I'm nowhere ready for normal.

It has been seven days. Seven days of trying to put one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time, to make it through until normal feels right.

My New Tattoo

2007-12-17T09:42:00.000-06:00

My Dad's name is was Clifford. He never got around to getting a tattoo, but always talked about having David do a Clifford the Big Red Dog piece for him (Dad's favorite!). After the funeral, my husband, tattooist extraordinaire, gave my brother and I matching tattoos. I wish the circumstances were different, but I finally got David to tattoo me.

It's perfect.
Damn, I miss my Dad.

Happy Number 2 Sweet Xavier

2007-12-14T10:07:00.000-06:00

My boy,
Today is your birthday. Your second go at this, well, third if you count the day the arrived, and it just keeps getting better.

You have existed in the flesh for 730 days, and in that short time you have changed the world. Our world at least.

So much more I could say, but you know already. Happy Birthday little dinosaur.
Love,
Mama

Rest In Peace, Daddy

2007-12-11T22:53:00.000-06:00

I LOVE YOU

Say It Like You Mean It

2007-12-08T16:22:00.000-06:00

I started working at a group home when I was 16. My "clients" were labeled as "low functioning, high-needs adults". I loved them, still love them, they quickly became my friends, my family. They taught me more than I could ever put into words, but one of my favorite lessons is just how silly our language can be. To my "guys" EVERYTHING was literal. If you said wait a second you better believe in exactly ONE second they wanted you to deliver. Maybe, was unimaginable, and when the new guy said it was "raining cats and dogs" our resident animal lover hopped to the window faster than I'd ever seen him move, full of excitement, only to be sadly disappointed by the presence of rain drops.

These moments return to mind now that I am Mom. Xavier has a really good grasp on language, his vocabulary blows me away, and yet there are all these nuances that his brain, can't and won't grasp for so long. And so I think about some of the things we say, and how when taken literally, they are just plain weird. People are strange! I'm sure you all have your favorite examples, and I could, I'm certain go on and on, but my favorite of late...

I'm preparing X for our day, telling him that after church we're going to go to Miss Carrington's baby shower. As I'm rattling off the names of our friends that we'll see, he disappears mid Miss Steph, he just makes that "ah-ha!" face and saunters off. Before I know it he's bouncing back with his favorite bottle of shampoo in hand, beaming and exclaims! - "Miss Care-ning-ton's baby showers! Yay!" Right. Baby. Shower. Don't I feel silly. Giggling and backpedaling, I explain that we are actually going to a baby party, to celebrate that Miss Carrington has a baby in her belly, baby Capri, who will be here so soon! "Ok, he says, go baby party" and off he goes. Just a party, not nearly as fun when there are no bubbles involved.

And now even though it has lights and is utterly fascinating I have the task of explaining why, this month and this month alone, we have a tree in our living room. A living room that has not, nor ever will, see any other growing green life form, because... I kill them. And while this tree is not alive it was assembled, "Papa, stacked it up", and we hung the ornaments, put the tiniest little Santa hat on top, plugged in the lights and will bask in it's glory, at least for another 14 days.

People are strange.

Wordless Wednesday - Xavier and The Beast

2007-12-05T00:15:00.001-06:00

I've been Grinched

2007-12-04T12:12:00.000-06:00

What do you think about me changing my name to Grimgrump Rottenshorts? Oh, I definitely have days where that is fitting!

Who are you?

Wordless Wednesday - Puppy Love

2007-11-28T10:00:00.001-06:00

2 Years Later

2007-11-26T14:16:00.001-06:00

All I want for Christmas...

The Best Year Yet

2007-11-22T09:13:00.000-06:00

With this family, these friends, and the first swirling snow, it is certain to be.
Giving Thanks
(and Happy Birthday to me!)

'Tis The Season

2007-11-19T21:15:00.000-06:00

Maybe it's always been this way and I'm just noticing because I have been eating, sleeping, breathing this thing for weeks, but gift guides seem to be all the rage this year. And while I am sure there are some good one's out there, I like to think that Mama Speaks Holiday Guide is, oh, the best! Thanks to my awesome team's brainpower, hardwork and some really late nights (and my awesome husbands mad design skills) we've compiled our favorite things for everyone on your list this holiday season. Check it out, it's like Oprah, only less screaming.

A Peak

2007-11-18T12:55:00.000-06:00

For whatever reason, my 25th birthday has seemed an arbitrary deadline for getting my shit together. That this is the point where I leave all my baggage behind and step into the threshold of a new life. Because- I just. Can't. Carry. It. Any. Longer. I don't know that I can change my world in 4 days but it's gotta be a good place to start.

I've felt in limbo for a long time, like I'm teetering between the hell that life used to be and this new world. This world that is the closest thing to a fairy tale I ever could have dreamed. I know I want to, need to, have to, dive in head first but it's frightening. And so I inch and inch forward and backslide almost as fast as I'm progressing.

It's hard because I never learned who I was. Because now, I am wife and mother and friend and I don't know what's underneath. Because all that was ever allowed to be underneath was what they allowed, what they proclaimed, and that person I created to protect the me I'm searching for. I don't remember much. Like snapshots rather than stories. Sure some are sunny, smiles. But most are not. Why it's so fragmented. I don't know that I was ever "wanted" and love was always with condition. An environment where those meant to protect one's innocence couldn't cope so they closed their eyes and avoided and ignored and left a child, a girl, me to fight and fend and do what it took to survive.

And I did. But in doing so, things were lost. But mostly never gained. Certain skills and securities escape me nearly a decade removed. While I am able to see the world one way, I react to it another, always on guard, always waiting for that beast to return. What once was fighter, now victim. And this I carry with me. While I have forgiven I have yet to deprogram. To wipe MY slate clean and rebuild again. To discover the truth about the me the world has yet to see.

I know how to be Mama, the thing I was put on this planet for. My only confidence. I don't know how to be a wife, I know how to love, unconditionally, but far too much history carries over. I react to my past rather than my present. 5 years in I'm blessed to have my soul mate stand behind me. Maybe a little slumped but solid. It seems the only thing missing is me, and I'm out to find her.

I've stopped a cycle, conquered addiction, grieved losses, ached for how things "should" have been, how some things still are, and it's time to turn off the light, close the door and create a new beginning. Some build walls to keep people out, I've built them to see who loves me enough to knock them down. For the first time, I'm first in line.

4 days, impending and promising, rebirth.

Spam is Better Than Ham

2007-11-07T08:56:00.000-06:00

Alright, so.... once this "fall y'all" business wrapped up, I set out to let my commenter's know a winner had been chosen in my contest and as a thank you offered a crazy little discount code with my gratitude. Apparently I broke the rules and am going straight to hell. Me and at least the six bloggers I got discounts and thank you's from (whom I thank because since I didn't win your lovely contests I DO plan to use your codes to treat myself to your wears!) Apparently I am a spamer. Well let me tell you, if spamming is bad I don't want to be good. (Ok, sorry, not quite sure that line means!)

ANYWAY, since my contest entries were so ungrateful, I thought maybe my regular blog readers deserved a little treat! So here are my holiday discounts at nest. I was feeling crazy with the first one seriously enjoy it, I'm willing to be your sweatshop...

Enter FallYall25 - for 25% off any purchase through 11.30.07
Enter FallYall15 - for 15% off any purchase from 12.01.07-12.31.07

Coming Clean

2007-11-05T21:25:00.000-06:00

I shy away from my blog more often than I'd like to admit because I should be writing here. Because I have things I need to get to out, and this is supposed to be my forum to do just that. I stop myself, keep it in my head and mull it over, good, bad and ugly for another day. a week. a month. years.

I'm on this journey, in this season of growing and stretching and scratching and clawing my way around in my skin. Of rehashing the past, of wading thigh deep in quick sand to try and predict my future. And I need this. I need it out, I need to make of sense of things, I need to move forward, I need to find me. I need to stop holding on to the things I've said I've forgiven because in some way, they are fullfulling me. Because even with disruption and distance the walls make me safe. And my fear of being "exposed", of things being more real because I see them in print, of disrupting some status quo that very well may not exist but in the confines of my nightmares is not worth the stifling stillness that comes with preventing growth.

And so I'm coming clean, soul searching, getting real even if it means getting dirty. Even if it means my content isn't exactly "Mommy Blog" material. I don't know where to start, I'm hoping for some sort of organic evolution of thought and history. Of a reworking in time that makes sense of the present. Of an honesty that strips away the layers of defenses to reveal the me 25 years in the making. The me I've never seen.

You Can Find Me

2007-11-05T21:19:00.000-06:00

Doing nothing because I should be doing everything and I don't want to do it all.

Fall Y'all Giveaway for you!

2007-10-31T14:11:00.000-05:00

We have a WINNER!!! Congrats to Jenna at Momma Jay: The Designated Worrier

Don't worry I have something special for the rest of you that will be going out in an email shortly.

There were several entries with no means of contacting you, so if you signed up but have a private blog or didn't leave your email address feel free to send an email to newmamasnest[at]gmail.com

I'm a little late getting this posted but felt a need to participate! What's in it for you? How about a Nest Baby Sling in Glacier? Just leave a comment here and I'll choose one person at random on Sunday November 4. Enjoy!

Eye Is For Optometrist

2007-10-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

Since X was little his right eye has had a life of it's own. I started to notice in pictures that it was always looking in while the other was pointed straight ahead and occasionally you'll be talking to him and it will wander off in the opposite direction. I may not have been worried, but extreme prematurity increases eye problems and David's family has a history of ocular ailments, so we figured we'd get things checked out. Thankfully the crossing is actually not that but a little droop covering some of the white making it appear crossed (yes, Mama you were right!) and his retina's are securely attached.

But, Apparently most babes Xav's age are far-sighted and he's right at zero, leaning towards nearsightedness (also common in preemies) so the good doc predicted that he'll need glasses at some point in the next year or so. We'll go back in three months to see how things have changed, and while I'm not even going to entertain the fun it will be to keep glasses on a toddler, I'd anticipated he'd need them at some point. Yes, it would have been nice if he'd inherited my 20/20 vision, but all things considered we can handle glasses.

Plus, some miniature Buddy Holly's might just be the cutest things I've ever seen.

Wordless Wednesday - One Last Day at the Beach

2007-10-24T09:41:00.000-05:00

2 Hours To Bedtime

2007-10-19T22:21:00.000-05:00

Xavier's bedtime routine is pretty simple, in that we don't really have one. When he was new, he would just nurse and zonk out in the sling and sleep there on me until I was ready for bed. Eventually he started needing to actually lay down to sleep peacefully and so I'd nurse him to sleep in bed and sneak away. And there we stand. We usually play right up until bed time and then do a super quick potty run, diaper on, tooth brush, say goodnight to Papa, Oliver, Norman, reading corner, the puppy light, the guitar, the... and then we jet back upstairs and plop into bed where X nurses to dreamland while I sing his song and "tickle" his hair. Within 30-40 minutes he's usually near comatose, done nursing and I can sneak away.

Tonight however... we make it through our routine, I go to sneak away and Xavier rolls over, sits up, wide eyes, says- "Mama, go down stairs and play." The kid is WIDE awake. He's had his power nap and is ready to burn the midnight oil. I'm about to get frustrated, really frustrated not that it's a big deal but...

I'm tired
I'm not feeling well
I'm wondering what David's up to
I need to get diapers in the wash
I HAVE to sew
Reviews need to get posted
I really just want to snuggle up with my lovely husband on the couch and do nothing
and
I REALLY want some ice cream

oh, and I have to pee. I take a deep breath and decide we'll just lay here and maybe he'll fall back asleep. (HA! in the history of his world X has NEVER just laid down and gone to sleep). Just as we call Papa in (thanks to Xav's 20th "Daddy doing?") it hits me- in 15 years I won't be able to pay my son to snuggle and my list of "desires" will look lame to say the least. And so I give up, give in and the next two hours are bliss. Filled with our sleepy floppy fish, rolling back and forth to snuggle Mama, then snuggle Daddy. To kiss and whisper and just be. Time stopped and we just were, just us, our family. I had massage requests from head to toe and then. Those little doe eyes look up at me and he says "Mama? Javi ready nonny night-night" yes, my lamb. And so we snuggle up close, X nurses of to sleep as I tickle and sing again. 15 minutes he's out. I sneak downstairs and realize it's nearly MY bedtime. The sewing and reviews (and maybe even the icecream!) will have to wait. And I don't even mind!

Month 22 (and 2 days)

2007-10-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

Sweet Xavier,
I used to be so good about monthly posts and updates but I've been neglecting them more and more. Actually, its ok because the less time I spend here the more time I have for you. Or sleep. And since you love sleep almost as much as me I know you understand. You're sleeping right now actually, right here in the crook of my arm nursing and snoozing away. My plan had originally been to let you sleep and then sneak away (something I rarely do) to tackle some laundry or something equally dreary, but every time you roll over and I attempt to sit up, you flop back over and sleepily scramble around for more "nonny". And so I'm laying here slowly blogging on your beloved iPhone.

In my mind this month blends with the last and the one before that so forgive me if I don't document much "new-ness". Fall has settled in and you are loving the changes. Wondering why the green tree is turning red, the air is colder and the squirrels are frantically ridding our trees of nuts and acorns. It's dark now when we go get Papa from work and you love hunting the moon. You keep me busy. Keep me smiling. Occasionally you'll tell a joke that's so funny you even crack yourself up.

Most of all I am amazed at how you love. Of course papa and I get the bulk of you gushiness, but people matter so much to you. You remember your friends and strangers alike, you want to know how they are doing, you want to see and share. So often we'll be lost in a task and you'll ask about someone- its just as likely to be your best buddy as some man you spotted on a walk 3 weeks past. That's what life is all about my boy and I'm amazed you get that now.

Of course you are a toddler, still figuring out your wants and needs, your place, at times that gets overwhelming- understandably- and a meltdown may ensue. Always remember that everyone needs a good cry every once in a while and believe me, I have moments I wish I could fall down on the floor and sob because the sun isn't shining.

I feel obligated to share some of your current favorites and so I will- you love Dinosaurs, you know their names and what they eat, and you do this super cute Dino walk. Your favorite changes, it was T-Rex, Triceratops ("cera-pots"), then Appatasaurus. Today it's Trachadon. He eats grass. Things that go are also pretty impressive- trains and trucks, airplanes and the ambulance. You've always had music in your bones, but now you really make your own. You're always singing, playing the piano, or the big guitar. I am grateful you are content listening to our "real" music. Even if it means I have to explain to Granny that your favorite singer really is Bob Marley.

You are ALWAYS talking and I love it. My little narrator explaining away our days. You don't sign much anymore, really just to add extra emphasis to your "please" and "sorry". In fact when I showed you some of your old baby signs the other day you thought it was hilarious and gave me that look like I was making things up. You count to ten (well almost- you seem to have an aversion to the number 5) and can spell your name - x.a.v.I.E.RRRRR!- and colors are old news.

You are a bit of a study in genetics, your ability to understand and speak Spanish amazes me. Even though you don't hear it much, you just get it. Not too long ago your Aunt Olivia (leeba) brought you some Spanish/English flash cards, I'll admit I rolled my eyes, flashcards are about as much fun as having your fingernails trimmed, but you curled up into her lap and for nearly 30 minutes straight listened to words and phrases and repeated every single one in Spanish. And you surprise me by throwing them in our conversations here and there...

Well little one, I'm rambling and could continue on and on and on. Just know you are loved. Can't wait to see what this month brings!

All my squeezes,
Mama

Calling it love isn't enough...

2007-10-12T19:22:00.001-05:00

It's cold!, originally uploaded by Allen Tattoo.

Wordless Wednesday - Christmas 2005

2007-10-10T09:44:00.000-05:00

It's All In The Name

2007-10-06T22:34:00.000-05:00

I haven't played along with one of these in a loooong time, but Steph posted a meme the other day that looked like too much fun to pass up...

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Buster Cooper

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Vanilla Oatmeal

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name),
Aall

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Black Sparrow

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, hospital where you were born),
Dyan Porter

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first),
Allas

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Green Chai

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Kyle Elmer

9.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ),
Jo Eugene

10. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
Turley Toledo

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Autumn Daisy

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Strawberry Skirty

13. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Blueberry Ash

14. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),
The Photographic Sunshine

Ok. I think I might have to seriously consider some of those! Let me know if you decide to play along.

Fighting Faith

2007-10-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

I've always thought that some people are just born faithful. Others are not. Do you know what I mean? There are those people that by our modern standards have nothing, and without ever reading a Bible, they have this faith. This unwavering foundation that IS what they have. They don't question, they just... Believe.

My husband is that way. I won't say he's never questioned, never faltered but he just has it. It's inspiring. It's one of the things that drew me to him. This confident security, like he just knows. He says part of it is that he doesn't have a father, he does-his mom remarried and "dad" is amazing and loving, and in the years before, David's Grandfather stepped in and filled that role. But without a "real" Dad, he has felt that quite literally God is his father- his Daddy.

And then there is me. I have this overwhelming yearning to believe, but it has ALWAYS been difficult. I fight it every step of the way. I often look back to the early days to try to figure out why. My family was one that proclaimed Christianity, when it was convenient. Like, we believe in God by default, and definitely don't want to think we just hole up in the ground when we die. But it was never much talked about. Definitely not something my parents thought enough of to actually take the doctrine to heart, you know - the sanctity of marriage, loving others, mmm not important.

I don't know why things were this way, well actually I do, both of my parents choose to live their lives as something of a revolt, a rebellion. My dad's mother immigrated here from Greece as a child, and while we don't hear much of our heritage, I've learned through past Christmas and Easter gathering that while some of the family upholds the Greek Orthodox faith our little branch seems to have broke off. My grandparents on my Moms side are strict church going, prayer saying Christians. My Grandpa is a Freemason, my mom and her siblings raised actively in the church. But they were strict and so my mother turned away.

And so my foundation. Christianity became akin to mythology. Christians hypocrites. Definitely not something I wanted for my life. And yet as I got older, began coming into my own (ok so there were also definitely drugs involved) I needed answers. Purpose. And I began searching. Studying. After a few years I settled somewhat on Buddhism. I won't say I agreed with everything, but the core principles, the values, the happiness were appealing. I was content. But still, questioning.

I felt a need for creator. Enter David. Our long open discussions. He allowed me to pick apart his faith without judgment. And didn't force anything on me. He was patient. And little by little I began to see that I didn't have to like Christians to believe in their Lord. That it was about love and acceptance, not guilt and disdain. And wow! I was rocked with change, priorities, values shifted, I was on fire. And happy.

Inevitably, the fire began to smolder, but I stoked it and kept alive. Study, prayer, this thing called faith. But still I falter, it seems sooo foreign. I was never so certain there was a creator than when Xavier was born. To see a life spring from me left NO doubt in my mind. And this faith and trust carried me through those first weeks when our boy was so sick, when we needed him to make it, but had no guarantee he would.

Fast forward 18 months or so. I've been on this roller coaster of belief and question. I go through the motions. I have promised to help raise our son in the Lord, but there are times I feel I'm pretending. I try to remind myself that God is love. THAT is my purpose. That I believe in. Yet I question.

And then two days ago I'm pulling out of the garage with Xavier strapped in back and he gasps and exclaims "Mama!" pointing to the corner of the garage "Mama! SEE JESUS!". What? and again again, he tells me, "There Mama, See JESUS!"

I'm speechless.

He has it.

Wordless Wednesday - Miserable With A Side Of Wisk

2007-10-03T07:59:00.001-05:00

Tower of tears, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

(Don't worry it was just the shoes, they came off and the world was a better place! Oops those are words...)

We Like(ah) The Hives

2007-10-02T10:36:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, Mama and Papa were cool. Going to shows as often as we could get there, rockin and singing and dancing the night away. Even with my baby bump we were sneaking in all the rock n roll we could. Soon baby made 3 and my curfew gladly came with the setting of the sun. Papa has occasionally snuck out to partake in some musical delicacies and about this time last year Xavier accompanied me to the big city to enjoy and evening with Morrissey, but our musical ventures have otherwise been limited to all things iPod and the local Polka troupe at the Harvest Festival.

When we caught wind that one of our favourite live acts was coming to town my dear husband couldn't resist snatching up 4 tickets for the 3 of us. And so we set off on a whirl-wind adventure to see The Hives. It was of course fantastical. I was hyped up for a week before hand, and relished in the fact that we were actually planning on being late for the show. Unfortunately we were a little too late to unload the two extra tickets we had, but it's no sweat.

We arrived with a bit of a wait before the good stuff began and after struggling to get X to keep his headphones on, we bopped around to the filler tunes, ate some ice and tried not to touch anyone. I stared at the back of some guys head as the music began but David and X had pretty decent views. They killed it of course and after a few songs and a nursing session we decide to take off before we turned into pumpkins.

A lovely late night stroll past Wrigley Field, pit stop for some Vegan French toast at one of my favorite dives and a long drive home, baby fast asleep, catching up on some good ol' fashioned radio shows. Never had a better date with my boys.

Wordless Wednesday - That's Mr. Fig Newton To You Lady

2007-09-26T00:08:00.001-05:00

Cookie Monster, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Yo! Xavier's super cool "Flying Mono" tee by ModesTod is available exclusively at Urban Baby Runway.

This Kid

2007-09-25T00:08:00.001-05:00

Today I uncovered a trail of pink panty liners, unwrapped and stuck to various surfaces leading from our master bathroom to David's office. When I asked Xavier what he was doing he told me "playing boo-boo boats". OoooooK.

I.D.I.O.T.

2007-09-24T20:01:00.000-05:00

So I wrote this post (see previous), i truely needed it, it was so cathartic. And then almost as soon as I publish it my phone rings. It's this friend. This friend that i cherish but felt slipping away. Yet as soon as I hear her voice I feel different, something clicks or clears and I realize that there is just no way she'd consciously do the things I felt were happening. Yet I'm confronted, I'm forced to put my feeling into words. In words directly to this person that I have felt love and hurt for. It was hard because that's hard for me, the speaking of things (writting comes easy) yet amongst my tears I felt giddy, silly and released.

Its on the table, its done. I feel like an idiot for not clearing the air sooner, for letting my crap, my insecurities, my emotions get the best of me. For assuming and then making everything fit that mold, that mold that didn't fit. At least not on purpose. But most of all I feel bad that I let everything going on in my life prevent me from seeing that she's dealing with junk too. Instead on being there I judged and distanced because I felt that's what was happening to me.

This friend is like a sister. And i realize now, more than ever, she always will be.

How silly of her to think she could get rid of me so easy! ;)

F.R.I.E.N.D.

2007-09-24T16:06:00.000-05:00

Do you ever find yourself surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone? Maybe it's a time of transition, maybe I'm reading things the wrong way, maybe I screwed up in some major way that I don't know. Any, none, or all. I still feel outed and well, alone.

When something so valued, becomes cordial at best, when I feel merely tolerated where there once was love, it stinks. It sucks really. I'm at a point in my life where friendships are golden. I'm in it for the long haul with those I find close. I value quality over quantity and am loyal to the end. I thought.

If this seems oddly cryptic, it is. It is because for whatever reason this is really hurting. Because if I were able to write clearly, concisely - I probably would have found some clarity in my gut already. Or this would be a breathless, teary rant. (I've already had a couple ugly blubbering cries)

Maybe this is why I always shied away from having super close girlfriends in the past, why those who have been close, still are, are like sisters, like family. People I can not speak with for months, not see for a year, and pick up right where we left off. Comfortably. People I can laugh and cry and share with. Who drive me crazy and I love dearly all at the same time.

I've made some amazing friends recently, when you can laugh so hard you almost pee about gunning it down a hill in reverse, you know you're in. When you feel comfortable sharing skeletons on your second "date" you know you're valued. This is what I'm trying to hold on to.

But still, losing someone- feeling like someone you value is slowly putting more and more and more distance between you is tough. I thought growing up and getting married meant I was over feelings like this, but I can't help feeling well, dumped.

Maybe I should try writing a breakup song.

Week.End.

2007-09-23T12:37:00.001-05:00

Apple Orchard, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Apple orchard.(yes there is a husband in that tree)
Family.
Step away from the Chinese buffet.
Xavier can-
run really very fast.
do dino.
talk a lot.
have a bath and snack and story time at 1am.

Mamas sleepy.
getting sick?
sooo worth it.

I heart these days.

It'll Grow Back

2007-09-21T13:26:00.001-05:00

Hair cut - after, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Yesterday. 4:30 pm. Hair cut. I think this was the official first, the bang cut shouldn't count. Nervous but confident, I knew I'd cry but X was so excited, he's been asking for a Mohawk for weeks and it was just time.

We made an appointment with the guy that cuts my Mama-in-love's 'do and he was great with X when we walked in and got him all set up in the big chair with his super cape. I spend a couple of minutes articulating what I'd like done and he even repeats a few things back. Yes! This is going to be great!

Scissors are brandished and aparently something about, "I don't want any length taken off the top and would like the sides kind os shaggy- NOT buzzed" translated to, "Please make sure your first cut takes a couple inches off the top and buzz away" And it just kept. Getting. Shorter.

X was really cool with the whole thing (of course) the pile of hair on his lap was a little freaky but he loved the mini-shower and could have felt the buzz of "papa's razor" all day.

And so my baby has a faux 'hawk. No more curls over here. It is cute and X LOVES his "dino mokhawk" so all is well. But Papa and I are on the other side of the fence, it's just WAY too short and so different! Those curls left a sweetness, this is all big, tough boy.

There are parts of this sweet little head I hadn't seen in so long though, back of the ears and neck and this forehead! And I'd never realized just how much I play with his curls, until of course I go to detangle and bounce them and they're not there. At the park this morning I even had my first thought of, "I hope his head doesn't get sunburnt"
!

I think I'll just commit to what I said last time and stick with cutting it myself from now on. Until then, it will grow back!

Wordless Wednesday - Angel

2007-09-18T20:26:00.001-05:00

Handsome, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Funktastic

2007-09-13T18:05:00.000-05:00

I've been in a funk. A very legitimate funk filled with confusion and loss and chaos and busy-ness and fatigue, but a funk none-the-less. Hence the lack of posting and reading and time. I feel like so often I'm putting on a happy face during the day and then when the sun sets, and I get a moment alone, I crawl inside. I welcome that place that is dark and quiet and alone. Not that Xavier never sees me down or upset, because he does. I'm real. But sometimes, the depth of my emotions and my inability to explain them are beyond him. Are unfair.

All too often though, it's my husband who suffers. He works so hard to provide for us and waits and waits for moments of togetherness. I'm sure he'd agree that all too often they just don't come. Part of it is simply being busy- keeping two businesses, start-ups in the air during my Mommy-downtime, all while already being falling down tired by the time he gets off work just doesn't bode well.

It has been weeks since I've felt "normal", but I'm getting there - date night with my darling husband (just the two of us!), some catching up time with some of my favorite girls (car rides ARE therapy) and this boy that knows just when I need a belly laugh (encouraging our inner Appatosaurus works wonders). On top of that I'm learning that it is ok to ask for help when you really need it (or think you might really need it sometime soon).

The things I have control, dominion over, are mine to change but that isn't much- my thoughts, my actions, my outlook. The rest, well, it's not going anywhere. Fall is starting to settle in and with it, a peace- a promise. As the air turns crisp and the color fades, things seem to whither and deconstruct. The slate wipes clean, refreshed and rests - so that life can begin again- new, unburdened, innocent. It will without fail. And so will I.

Morning Giggles

2007-09-13T10:52:00.000-05:00

I can always count on potty time for the best conversations. This morning during X's poop run I was not disappointed.

X: "Mama, Pony book, read it!"
M: "You read it to Mama, please"
X: "Ok. Doggie... Kitty Cat... Mouse... Hedgehodge... (skips over cow) PONY!!!"
M: "There's your Pony! Can you tell Mama what the Pony says?"
X: "Pony. NEIGH!"
M: "That's right, and how does the Pony move?"
X: "Pony move? Pony gallops! This pony gallops WONKY!"
M- "Wonky?!"

Now, I do remember once upon a time telling Xavier that our shopping cart wheel was wonky, but it was some time ago. Ah! I needed that laugh!

(is this one of those had to be there situations?)

Wordless Wednesday -The Big Blur

2007-09-12T09:23:00.000-05:00

Welcome To The World

2007-09-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

Congrats to our dear Jaymi (Flip Flop Mamma ) and family! They just welcomed their newest addition! As much as I want to spill the beans you'll just have to wait for the official announcement!

Labor Day

2007-09-03T08:03:00.000-05:00

Cook-out Schmook-out. We're all about the Dino's today.

And yes, I know, I really need to post about our trip.

Here's hoping it truly is "labor day" for this lovely mama!

Wordless Wednesday - Nursing on a Jet Plane

2007-08-28T21:04:00.000-05:00

Getaway

2007-08-28T07:22:00.001-05:00

Our view over Baltimore...
Missing hubby/Papa, Oliver and Norman but X is playing away with Cricket and Mama and I are having a blast.

Nothing Like a Little Color

2007-08-24T09:10:00.001-05:00

Stormy night. Tummy troubles. Up way too late. Up way to early. Must. Keep. Busy.
Ah-ha! Paint. Lots of Paint.
Here's our morning messy hair, paint mustaches and all...

If Peeing Your Pants is Cool...

2007-08-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

Nothing like someone else peeing your pants for you.

Need some explanation? So as you know X has been the potty champ since around his first birthday- well sometimes. He goes days, weeks, even the occasional night with almost no reliance on diapers. Potty all the time. And then there are days and weeks that he "misses" with "uh-oh's!" and "Mama, cween up pee-pee floor!" and then days and weeks where he could care less and is content to pee in a diaper, on the floor, on the dog, without batting an eye. (Thankfully it's poo in the potty ALL the time- no poopy diapers for the better part of a year? I'm cool with that!)

But today it's a whole new something. We've been on an all in the potty streak, so after X's morning pee when he asks to climb up on my lap to nurse with a naked butt- I don't bat an eye. So we're belly to belly with his legs wrapped around my waist, nursing away. (See where this is going?) As he starts to melt away and relax all systems were a go. I jump as I feel a warm hot trickle puddle and start rolling down my leg. Gross right? Yeah, tell me about it! Seriously it felt like I was peeing my pants. Of course he's delighted- to my "Hey, did you just pee on Mommy?" He responds with a giggle "No! Mommy pee Javi!" And if you saw me, you might just think he was right.

Wordless Wednesday - Always Kissin'

2007-08-21T23:42:00.001-05:00

Lady Killer

2007-08-20T22:00:00.000-05:00

I've known for some time that I need to keep an eye on X with the ladies. He has a way with people in general, let alone the oogly women folk. What I didn't expect, was him to turn the charm on me. A few times a day, completely at random, X will look at me with all seriousness and say, "Mommy, PRETTY!" followed up with a pretty intense smooch. Then there are the moments of staring deep in my eyes as he pats my hair. I've even gotten a few surprising cat-calls. I've no clue where he picked it up, but he's not too proud to throw out a "woo-hoo" every now and again.

We have a friend with a now almost grown daughter, who's made certain to raise her wonderfully. He took her on dates and bought her flowers, showed her how a man should treat her so that she would never settle. I, for some reason, always considered this with girls, but never thought much of the tables turned. I'm now seeing in my future the responsibility not only to teach Xavier how to respect women, but to show him how a woman should respect him.

Is it to early to start preparing for the first time he comes home with a broken heart?

Mama's Got a Brand New Blog

2007-08-20T00:13:00.000-05:00

So whatcha think? I'm still working out some kinks and making some tweaks, so bear with me-
but I think she's a dandy.

Bringing Blogging Back

2007-08-18T21:28:00.000-05:00

Alright. I miss it. I'm really trying to make a point to recommit myself to my blog. Between my family, nest and Mama Speaks, I just haven't been able to justify spending any more time online. But the less time I spend here- the less I write, the more time I spend in my head. I need this.

So, as a means of getting myself motivated I'm going to spruce this place up a bit, I'm looking for a little redesign and I need your help- I miss you all too, I miss reading your blogs but I forget- Without my blogroll/bloglines I just don't do it, so if you're not on my blog roll and stop by, please let me know- just send me an email- newmamasnest@gmail.com

In the meantime, this should keep you laughing...

Wordless Wednesday - Summer Shower

2007-08-15T01:19:00.000-05:00

Newsworthy

2007-08-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

Mama Speaks is in the news again!
Lets hope all the paparazzi doesn't go to our heads!
(Well, we know how X feels about that!)

We have new reviews daily and tons of giveaways, come on by!

Xavier Was a Punk Rocker

2007-08-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't resist and couldn't wait to share this picture of X rocking his mohawk hat (and nothing else of course).

Graduation Day

2007-08-08T23:58:00.000-05:00

As of this morning Xavier is officially a NICU grad!

Since he was discharged from the hospital 17 months ago we have been returning for developmental clinics. We meet with a physical therapist, speech pathologist and neonatologist to track his development and look for any lasting effects of prematurity. So far he'd sailed through all the checks with flying colors, but we still had to wait. But today, we got the green light!

We have fallen in love with everyone there, they sort of become a second family and it is a huge relief to know that now, we'll only be going back to visit. The first time I held him, Xavier was so small he'd fit in one of his Daddy's hands. To see him grow, from our tiny 3 pound- 28 weeker, to the little boy he is today has been such a journey. To think then, that by the age of two it would all be behind us, was unthinkable. And yet, today, the fact that our 19 month old- should be 16 month old, is functioning physically, mentally, well above his actual age, blows my mind.

He'll always be my early bird and I'll never forget those early days, good and bad, up and down. Day's we thought would be his last, yet knew our world had been forever changed. And days we knew that we would someday leave that hospital as three. There's no erasing that, nor would I want to.

But today he is just my miracle. Our proof that hope is real and prayers are answered.

You make me so proud X-man. Your strength and courage and will, leave me speechless all too often. Today, and always, I am honored to have been chosen as your Mommy.

Wordless Wednesday - Paparazzi

2007-08-07T23:06:00.000-05:00

Money, Money

2007-08-06T09:05:00.000-05:00

Xavier knows a thing or two about money. He's been obsessed, erm- intrigued, by coins for quite some time (and no he doesn't try to eat them!). He's moved onto noticing that some coins are different than others, learning their names and is a pro at tucking his cash in his piggy bank.

We haven't, however, mastered just where money comes from. That old adage that money grows on trees? Nope. Apparently it comes from Papa's pants. This morning Xavier drug a pair of David's jeans into the office where we sitting, excitedly yelling, "MONEY!" And what do you know, he came across a pocket full of change.

Xavier's First Hair Cut

2007-08-03T23:14:00.000-05:00

I suppose 19 1/2 months is a long time to avoid the inevitable first hair cut. Xavier was born with a ton of hair, but lost it all a few months in. Since it's grown back it's always made itself into a cute 'do that fell and curled in all the right places. Those curls... And though he's mistaken as a girl with increasing frequency (even when wearing black skull shirts, camo shorts, and carrying around a dump truck) we just couldn't cut the curls. The bangs on the other hand needed some help. No amount of shoving to the side, or mommy spit, would keep them out of his eyes.

I'm pretty comfortable wielding scissors around a head of hair, but it only seemed right to leave our first child's, first cut to the pro's- and so we took him in to the local kiddie-centric hair salon.

X was so excited. He picked a race car to sit in and was super excited about his special robot cape. I on the other hand was less than enthused by our welcome and the age/dress of the girl about to cut his hair (ok, so she's young, but a cleavage exposing tee and mini skirt just didn't seem to be appropriate attire for the kiddies). All of the stations have flat screen TV's where mirrors would normally be, and right off the bat she asked what he liked to watch. I said that he doesn't watch TV and would be fine just playing, so of course she proceeded to put on a Thomas the Train DVD. But hey, I'm not going to argue with someone about to have scissors that close to my baby's head. Xavier was awesome - he drove his car, honked the horn, sang "hair cut, hair cut", looked at the choo-choo's, and had an all around good time.

The results on the other hand.... As I said we just wanted a little bang trim, enough to keep it out of his eyes. So of course he ended up with bangs halfway up his forehead. It was looking a little Dumb and Dumber-ish, so we asked her to blend his curls a bit, mmmm, still not quite working. I'm going to sleep on it, but I figure we have two options.
1. Deal with it. They'll grow back. Right?!
2. Cut the curls. The shorter bangs would look fine with shorter hair everywhere. Maybe even a baby faux hawk?

In the meantime, I'm drooling over these...and this.

Antics

2007-08-03T01:15:00.000-05:00

This boy has been keeping me on toes...

... check out my hubby's latest project.

New From Nest

2007-08-01T01:28:00.000-05:00

I've sewn my fingers to the bone and am pleased to announce the debut of my fall sling collection at nest!

Enter fall07 for free shipping on all US orders over $75... and see if you recognize my gorgeous models!

Wordless Wednesday - Drink Up

2007-08-01T01:27:00.001-05:00

This Thing

2007-07-24T00:25:00.001-05:00

I've had this thing weighing on my heart and mind for some time. It keeps popping up in my life through a blog post here, an overheard conversation here, a friends trials there. It is something that I have such uncertainty about, I think we all do, and it makes me ache, it breaks my heart, brings tears. I start this post with a disclaimer. That my words here are not meant to judge anyone. That is not my place, not my right, not my position. I'm writing this post mainly for the selfish hope that translating my thoughts into words will lighten my load. I also want to open the dialog. I want to hear your thoughts. Comments are open. I only ask that everyone remain respectful.

That thing is Abortion.

I should start by saying I'm not one to say I'm on one side of the fence, or the other. There was a time in my life when I was probably 100% for a women's choice, no questions asked, whatever. But now, the more I think about it, the more stories I hear, the more lives I see touched, lives I see taken away the more I find my self just aching at the thought.

I guess my current struggle with it began a couple of months ago. David casually mentioned that he'd read a study. A study that showed over 75% of women who find out via prenatal testing that their baby will be born with Down Syndrome, terminate their pregnancy. Oh, how I wept! Not just because of the shear numbers involved but because of the friends I have with Down's. People who have changed my life. People I realized in today's time could very well have never been given the chance to leave their mark on this world. I guess I understand the fear, the unknown. The thought of not having that "perfect" child, of having a child that may suffer. Down's often brings with it some degree of mental retardation, and there is always a characteristic "look" - almond eyes, shorter stature, and a higher risk for certain health concerns. But is this reason enough?

I'm thinking of two examples from my own life. A family friend who passed away in my late teens due to heart complications. She was born with Down Syndrome. She was small and had almond eyes but was in no other way different than you and I by societies standards. She went to college, married, had children, lived a full and wonderful life. I met another dear friend when I began working at his group home. He, as well, has Down Syndrome. He falls at the other side of the spectrum however, he has moderate mental retardation, is non-verbal (with the exception of the phrase "that way!") and needs help to complete common everyday tasks. He will never live alone. Yet he is one of the sweetest people I've ever know. The most joyful. The most compassionate. He loves cats and pennies, swimming pools and ice cream cones.

Is either of these people worth removing from this world based on a diagnostic test? A test that can, unfortunately, be false.

A babies gestation didn't mean much to me until I was pregnant myself. Until I counted down those days and weeks myself. But now this brings up another issue that devastates me. Most of these babies, babies who are aborted due to having Down's and other "defects" are happily in their mothers womb until their fourth, fifth or sixth month. Xavier was born at six months- 28 weeks, 1 day. I recently worked with a mom who's son was born at five months. Today our boys are alive and well. I just don't think that God makes mistakes.

I guess this brings up the topic of when a baby is a "baby". Many doctors will tell you that a baby is not officially viable, and therefore not a "baby" until they've taken their first independent breath. For me a baby is a baby at the moment of conception if not before. I think for many people on the pro-abortion side of things, words are chosen carefully to support beliefs. A baby is not that, but a fetus, sometimes a "defective" fetus, therefore a fetus that warrants "termination". But when you a call a baby a baby a whole new set of words come to minds. Then you are ending a life. Four letter words that begin with K and a six letter word that begins with an M begin to seem more fitting. Words that under any other implication are crimes.

And maybe it's because it is that in my mind, that it seems such a strange thing for me. The bottom line is that I could never, would never. I couldn't even begin to think of it. More than anything I could never trust my own reasoning to make a life and death decision in any circumstance. Does that mean I think differently of someone who made the opposite choice. Absolutely not.

I have so much more to say, so many more thoughts bouncing around, but I'll stop right there for now. This post is tough, and long, and so pieces.

Hope It Is

2007-07-18T22:53:00.000-05:00

We're home from Riley, and oh so hopeful! After nearly two months of bloody diarrhea, fevers, severe cramping and a babe who was just all around not himself we have answers, well, sort of. We found doctors with specialty, who work with children in critical situations, who we can trust to treat or boy. They listened, and tested, and cared. Antibiotics, pain relievers, surgery consults and a plan!

We start treatment tonight, with medicine that's a bit hardcore, with a warning he might take a couple steps back before he gets "better". But we have a start! And we've had a couple of days better than those I've seen in months. Playfulness, appetite and giggles we've missed! My updates here are a bit cryptic I know, emotion is strong and words chosen carefully, but with all that's going on I think that's best. If you'd like to follow ours and similar cases you can find it all here.

Thanks for all the prayers, thoughts and well wishes. Your love means more to us than you could ever know.

HOPE

2007-07-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

Off to Riley

David, Will You Marry Me? (again?!)

2007-07-16T20:52:00.000-05:00

I know it of course, but sometimes my dear groom makes sure I'm aware that he is the best husband ever. We've had a tough go of it lately with all that Xavier is going through- we are the best of friends, buddies, partners- the whole bit, but we're tired, exhausted, on edge and occasionally at each other throats.

Today he ambles up the stairs after work with pride in his eyes- "Did you see it? Did you see it?!" And hands me not one, not two but three copies of me and Steph's article. "You guys are GORGEOUS!", he says. (Woo- I'll take that any day!)

And if that wasn't enough, he adds - "Hey, why is the house clean?"

I love that man.

O

2007-07-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

Speaking of Oprah. Oprah wants to know what your favorite baby gift is. I know you all loooove your Nest baby slings, so head on over and tell her all about 'em.

Stay tuned our fall collection is scheduled to launch August 1st!

So Tired

2007-07-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

Another night in the ER. High fever, belly spasms, cranky boy. Being poisoined with something that could be fatal there's no taking chances. Long night of tests- X-rays, blood draw, catheter. Looks like he just has a virus on top of the Salmonella. Yuck! But the least of the worst. Today, we rest.

Wordless Wednesday - The Look and Mama's Got a Brand New 'Do

2007-07-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

A Little Slice of Tractor Heaven

2007-07-10T02:07:00.000-05:00

Xavier is currently on a tractor jag. (Everything with wheels larger than a car is a tractor). He reads his tractor book constantly, is always telling us about them and is on the look out where ever we go. Of course, not all tractors are created equal. I haven't figured out the exact ranking but Mail trucks (sorry, tractors), garbage "tractors" and the ever elusive concrete mixer ("con-creeeeete!") are the definite faves.

Monday's are garbage and recycling pick-up in our neck of the woods and from the moment X wakes up he is on the look out for their arrival. He can hear them a mile away and we must run to window (or outside on the off chance he's clothed) to watch them work their magic. Today, however, was no ordinary Monday. The recycling truck made it's rounds and the garbage truck was close on it's heels. It pulls in front of our house and just as the, erm, sanitation worker, hops out to grab our refuse the truck makes the craziest sound and then quickly goes silent. "Uh-oh!" the X-man exclaims and then is parked at the window with the worlds biggest grin on his face as the garbage truck sat broken down in front of our house for over an hour. It was pure heaven for my darling boy.

The little things.

Kiddie Consumerism

2007-07-09T00:56:00.000-05:00

I have this thing about marketing to kids. I hate it. In fact I'd go so far as to say I think there should be laws against it. I just don't think kids just shouldn't be sold to. Kid's thinking they "need" something because the kid playing with it on TV looks so cool and happy just leaves me unsettled. Our house pretty much reflects this. Xavier doesn't watch TV and his toys are pretty generic, we avoid cartoon characters and toys with branding at all cost. He does have a couple of infamous blue trains but they're just that to him- "Choo-choo's!" So, imagine my surprise when Xavier draws on his leg, points to it and says "Tattoo! Spiderman tattoo!" What?! Where in the world did he pick up Spiderman?

After thinking about it, the only thing I can come up with is that a couple months ago X got a Spiderman sticker from the doctor. He loved it for all of 10 minutes before moving onto the next thing. Why that would resurface now in his desire for a Spidey tattoo I have no clue, but that's all I can come up with. We decided to indulge and got him a Spiderman doll which he loves dearly. But suddenly it seems that everywhere we go there is Spidey this and Spidey that and he notices it all.

Just this week Javi's started asking for things in the grocery store too. Thankfully he's just dropping polite suggestions of melon, nectarine's and Kix (our secret indulgence) but I never expected it this early! He already knows quite a bit about money (he loves to collect and sort change) And so we're having that talk before we enter a store of what we're there for, that we can look at certain things but can only buy what we've come for (this might do me some good too) and we've started a special wish list for things that are oh so exciting he just can't live without - you know temporary tattoo's, a singing/dancing Spiderman, and a big green tractor. Maybe I'm overreacting but I'm just not ready for my 18 month old to have purchasing power!

The Latest in Babywearing

2007-07-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

Steph is giving away the latest babywearing invention, the Podonbutai from All Natural Mommies!

And head over to Mama Speaks to see what we're giving away today!

Sick Booty - Update

2007-07-04T10:02:00.000-05:00

I've received a couple emails wondering what happened to my "Sick Booty" post. Yes, I have removed it for the time being due to our pending lawsuit with Robert's American Gourmet. I debated keeping it all under wraps but it's all more than public at this point. We're being represented by one of the best firms around and can only hope for the best.

Mama Speaks

2007-07-02T11:28:00.000-05:00

So once again I'm up to something... I got the idea to launch a Mama focused review site, full of great products, green tips and worthwhile causes and managed to get some of my favorite Mama's to jump on board. Please check it out and help us share the love...

Spread the word about Mama Speaks and enter to win one of two amazing prize packs from Earth Mama Angel Baby. Earth Mama Angel Baby offers 100% natural skin and whole body care products to support you from conception to baby care. Their products are heavenly!

All you need to do is post the Mama Speaks button below on your website and email us the link (reviews[at]mamaspeaks.com). Let us know if you'd like the Pregnancy Pampering or Breastfeeding Support kit.

href="https://mamaspeaks.com">

Wordless Wednesday - The Big Cheese

2007-06-27T02:13:00.000-05:00

Fully Clothed

2007-06-25T01:21:00.001-05:00

I just felt moved to prove that Xavier does indeed (occasionally) wear clothing.
(Don't mind the "zazzle" I didn't feel like scanning the print!)

Yoga Baby

2007-06-23T01:12:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist sharing this picture of X showing off his Downward Dog -he loves doing yoga with me! And of course he's not wearing any pants...

I hope to get back to posting as usual one of these days!

Wordless Wednesday - My Snuggly

2007-06-20T01:12:00.000-05:00

Thanks Miss Carol - I LOVE it!