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About

Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

I.D.I.O.T.

So I wrote this post (see previous), i truely needed it, it was so cathartic. And then almost as soon as I publish it my phone rings. It's this friend. This friend that i cherish but felt slipping away. Yet as soon as I hear her voice I feel different, something clicks or clears and I realize that there is just no way she'd consciously do the things I felt were happening. Yet I'm confronted, I'm forced to put my feeling into words. In words directly to this person that I have felt love and hurt for. It was hard because that's hard for me, the speaking of things (writting comes easy) yet amongst my tears I felt giddy, silly and released.

Its on the table, its done. I feel like an idiot for not clearing the air sooner, for letting my crap, my insecurities, my emotions get the best of me. For assuming and then making everything fit that mold, that mold that didn't fit. At least not on purpose. But most of all I feel bad that I let everything going on in my life prevent me from seeing that she's dealing with junk too. Instead on being there I judged and distanced because I felt that's what was happening to me.

This friend is like a sister. And i realize now, more than ever, she always will be.

How silly of her to think she could get rid of me so easy! ;)

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  • Anonymous Mama C-ta says so:
    8:52 PM  

    Good for you, I too often just let it build up inside, half of it is probably my imagination and instead of clearing the air I just back off and potentially lose a good friend.

    She sounds like a good friend worth keeping. top

  • Blogger Glass Half Full says so:
    8:26 AM  

    Of course I read your previous post first. Glad things are better.

    Lori top

  • Blogger Life With All Boys says so:
    9:02 AM  

    I know these feelings all to well. top

  • Blogger To Think is to Create says so:
    10:48 AM  

    Awesome.

    Anyone and everyone has been there or is there, so know that you aren't alone in these feelings and thoughts and we all wrestle with it, too, at least a few times in life.

    That's like the longest sentence ever, but it didn't feel right splitting it up! ;) top

  • Blogger Little Man's Mama says so:
    9:41 PM  

    i'm so glad it seemed to work out for you, i'd hate for you to be sad.

    See you soon.

    Jen top