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About

Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

Funktastic

I've been in a funk. A very legitimate funk filled with confusion and loss and chaos and busy-ness and fatigue, but a funk none-the-less. Hence the lack of posting and reading and time. I feel like so often I'm putting on a happy face during the day and then when the sun sets, and I get a moment alone, I crawl inside. I welcome that place that is dark and quiet and alone. Not that Xavier never sees me down or upset, because he does. I'm real. But sometimes, the depth of my emotions and my inability to explain them are beyond him. Are unfair.

All too often though, it's my husband who suffers. He works so hard to provide for us and waits and waits for moments of togetherness. I'm sure he'd agree that all too often they just don't come. Part of it is simply being busy- keeping two businesses, start-ups in the air during my Mommy-downtime, all while already being falling down tired by the time he gets off work just doesn't bode well.

It has been weeks since I've felt "normal", but I'm getting there - date night with my darling husband (just the two of us!), some catching up time with some of my favorite girls (car rides ARE therapy) and this boy that knows just when I need a belly laugh (encouraging our inner Appatosaurus works wonders). On top of that I'm learning that it is ok to ask for help when you really need it (or think you might really need it sometime soon).

The things I have control, dominion over, are mine to change but that isn't much- my thoughts, my actions, my outlook. The rest, well, it's not going anywhere. Fall is starting to settle in and with it, a peace- a promise. As the air turns crisp and the color fades, things seem to whither and deconstruct. The slate wipes clean, refreshed and rests - so that life can begin again- new, unburdened, innocent. It will without fail. And so will I.

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  • Blogger Glass Half Full says so:
    7:39 AM  

    In my "funk moments" sometimes I think I am the only one feeling that way until I read posts like this that remind me I am not alone....and normal!

    Blessings on you today.

    Lori top

  • Blogger Adventures In Babywearing says so:
    8:37 AM  

    I'll take one of those clean slates, too. Love that we get this new chance, a change. It's coming at a much-needed time for me, too.

    I'm here.

    Steph top

  • Blogger Life With All Boys says so:
    9:06 AM  

    I've been feeling like there just isn't enough of me to go around. And it's my hubby that suffers too. But once the boys are in bed and Carter is down for the night, I'm just so spent from the day I want to be alone. But Lori is right, we are not alone. If there is ever ANYTHING I can do, please don't be afraid to ask. top

  • Blogger Arianne says so:
    11:21 AM  

    When I get down about things in which it seems will never get better, I try to remind myself that it won't always be this way. It WILL get better, even if it takes a little while. I know that probably doesn't help much, but if you really dwell on that, it can be comforting. Turn your eyes on God, because there's a good chance these trials are here to further mold you into who he wants you to be. You've been through so much before with Xavier, you can handle this too. Peace to you. top

  • Blogger Because Everything Matters says so:
    12:20 PM  

    It's gotta be something in the air because just the night I was trying to explain me and my "funk" to the Mr. and well, I know he'll never get it, he was sympathetic and was trying to help out wherever he could. Only he can't.... It's a mommy and wife sorta thing I explained to him. God bless him for being a boy because he'll never get it. top

  • Blogger Little Man's Mama says so:
    9:16 PM  

    You are a phenomenal writer! I applaude you!

    Seems strange that we are all going through a "funk" right now, must be something in the air. I too put on that happy face a majority of the time, but I'll tell you, it really seems like everything is going the other way for me right now. I feel very lucky to have found you ladies, to be able to share these kinds of feelings with, it is such a blessing to have friends. Sometimes husbands just don't get it!

    I can't say what I do to try and make it better. It seems to be something different each time. I am lucky to have Todd, who knows just when I've had TOO much, and he's right there, to step it up and take charge, and taking the burden off of my shoulders for awhile.

    Maybe it's the changing of the weather bringing us all down. I heard it's supposed to get up to the 90's again..maybe it'l boost our engergy!

    Jen top

  • Anonymous mother of hana says so:
    4:37 AM  

    Date night with a darling husband without the kid(s) sounds tempting.

    :D top

  • Anonymous Mama C-ta says so:
    9:06 PM  

    I'm here. Far away but here.

    Sloth suffers terribly, I can relate with the lack of downtime and husband energy. Working time for me is naptime and bedtime - so when is the couple time? I'm in a funk but one I don't feel is legitimate.

    You expressed many of my feelings but so much more eloquently than I ever could.

    BTW I read this a couple days ago, sorry I didn't have a chance to comment til now. I'm always checkin' on ya! top

  • Blogger Pickel says so:
    11:26 AM  

    Funk, what funk? I think I'm stuck in the funk.

    I LOVE the picture.

    It is weird...is something in the air or do we all need some mommy prozac? top