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About

Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

F.R.I.E.N.D.

Do you ever find yourself surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone? Maybe it's a time of transition, maybe I'm reading things the wrong way, maybe I screwed up in some major way that I don't know. Any, none, or all. I still feel outed and well, alone.

When something so valued, becomes cordial at best, when I feel merely tolerated where there once was love, it stinks. It sucks really. I'm at a point in my life where friendships are golden. I'm in it for the long haul with those I find close. I value quality over quantity and am loyal to the end. I thought.

If this seems oddly cryptic, it is. It is because for whatever reason this is really hurting. Because if I were able to write clearly, concisely - I probably would have found some clarity in my gut already. Or this would be a breathless, teary rant. (I've already had a couple ugly blubbering cries)

Maybe this is why I always shied away from having super close girlfriends in the past, why those who have been close, still are, are like sisters, like family. People I can not speak with for months, not see for a year, and pick up right where we left off. Comfortably. People I can laugh and cry and share with. Who drive me crazy and I love dearly all at the same time.

I've made some amazing friends recently, when you can laugh so hard you almost pee about gunning it down a hill in reverse, you know you're in. When you feel comfortable sharing skeletons on your second "date" you know you're valued. This is what I'm trying to hold on to.

But still, losing someone- feeling like someone you value is slowly putting more and more and more distance between you is tough. I thought growing up and getting married meant I was over feelings like this, but I can't help feeling well, dumped.

Maybe I should try writing a breakup song.

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  • Blogger Randi says so:
    5:47 PM  

    Though I have no details, nor should I, of what you are going through, I felt your words and have been here so many many times.

    I always thought the same thing that once you grow up and marry and have children these feelings and or situations go away. I guess not and I guess others go through it too;)

    Hugs to you! Now go write a song girl! top

  • Blogger Adventures In Babywearing says so:
    5:56 PM  

    Oh no, I am trying to read into this and coming up short- just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk about it!

    Steph top

  • Anonymous Mama C-ta says so:
    8:49 PM  

    All I can say is I've felt this way too many times and it's really a big factor in my loner life style. I'm sorry you are feeling/felt this way.

    But I also need to add, you are so in over here. Til the end baby! Unless I get us killed next time while driving! top

  • Blogger JoynerFam says so:
    9:13 PM  

    I no exactly how you feel. If you ever need anything im here for you, even though i know every time we go to get together it falls apart. If you do write a break up song ive got garage band ill put some mad beats down for you.
    Amanda top

  • Blogger Glass Half Full says so:
    8:25 AM  

    Very frustrating and your questions are very legit. I know how you feel....

    Lori top