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Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

Mama's Nest

Wordless Wednesday - That's Mr. Fig Newton To You Lady Wednesday, September 26, 2007 |

Cookie Monster, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Yo! Xavier's super cool "Flying Mono" tee by ModesTod is available exclusively at Urban Baby Runway.

• 15 Chirping

This Kid Tuesday, September 25, 2007 |

Today I uncovered a trail of pink panty liners, unwrapped and stuck to various surfaces leading from our master bathroom to David's office. When I asked Xavier what he was doing he told me "playing boo-boo boats". OoooooK.

• 10 Chirping

I.D.I.O.T. Monday, September 24, 2007 |

So I wrote this post (see previous), i truely needed it, it was so cathartic. And then almost as soon as I publish it my phone rings. It's this friend. This friend that i cherish but felt slipping away. Yet as soon as I hear her voice I feel different, something clicks or clears and I realize that there is just no way she'd consciously do the things I felt were happening. Yet I'm confronted, I'm forced to put my feeling into words. In words directly to this person that I have felt love and hurt for. It was hard because that's hard for me, the speaking of things (writting comes easy) yet amongst my tears I felt giddy, silly and released.

Its on the table, its done. I feel like an idiot for not clearing the air sooner, for letting my crap, my insecurities, my emotions get the best of me. For assuming and then making everything fit that mold, that mold that didn't fit. At least not on purpose. But most of all I feel bad that I let everything going on in my life prevent me from seeing that she's dealing with junk too. Instead on being there I judged and distanced because I felt that's what was happening to me.

This friend is like a sister. And i realize now, more than ever, she always will be.

How silly of her to think she could get rid of me so easy! ;)

• 6 Chirping

F.R.I.E.N.D. |

Do you ever find yourself surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone? Maybe it's a time of transition, maybe I'm reading things the wrong way, maybe I screwed up in some major way that I don't know. Any, none, or all. I still feel outed and well, alone.

When something so valued, becomes cordial at best, when I feel merely tolerated where there once was love, it stinks. It sucks really. I'm at a point in my life where friendships are golden. I'm in it for the long haul with those I find close. I value quality over quantity and am loyal to the end. I thought.

If this seems oddly cryptic, it is. It is because for whatever reason this is really hurting. Because if I were able to write clearly, concisely - I probably would have found some clarity in my gut already. Or this would be a breathless, teary rant. (I've already had a couple ugly blubbering cries)

Maybe this is why I always shied away from having super close girlfriends in the past, why those who have been close, still are, are like sisters, like family. People I can not speak with for months, not see for a year, and pick up right where we left off. Comfortably. People I can laugh and cry and share with. Who drive me crazy and I love dearly all at the same time.

I've made some amazing friends recently, when you can laugh so hard you almost pee about gunning it down a hill in reverse, you know you're in. When you feel comfortable sharing skeletons on your second "date" you know you're valued. This is what I'm trying to hold on to.

But still, losing someone- feeling like someone you value is slowly putting more and more and more distance between you is tough. I thought growing up and getting married meant I was over feelings like this, but I can't help feeling well, dumped.

Maybe I should try writing a breakup song.

• 5 Chirping

Week.End. Sunday, September 23, 2007 |

Apple Orchard, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Apple orchard.(yes there is a husband in that tree)
Step away from the Chinese buffet.
Xavier can-
run really very fast.
do dino.
talk a lot.
have a bath and snack and story time at 1am.

Mamas sleepy.
getting sick?
sooo worth it.

I heart these days.

• 5 Chirping

It'll Grow Back Friday, September 21, 2007 |

Hair cut - after, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

Yesterday. 4:30 pm. Hair cut. I think this was the official first, the bang cut shouldn't count. Nervous but confident, I knew I'd cry but X was so excited, he's been asking for a Mohawk for weeks and it was just time.

We made an appointment with the guy that cuts my Mama-in-love's 'do and he was great with X when we walked in and got him all set up in the big chair with his super cape. I spend a couple of minutes articulating what I'd like done and he even repeats a few things back. Yes! This is going to be great!

Scissors are brandished and aparently something about, "I don't want any length taken off the top and would like the sides kind os shaggy- NOT buzzed" translated to, "Please make sure your first cut takes a couple inches off the top and buzz away" And it just kept. Getting. Shorter.

X was really cool with the whole thing (of course) the pile of hair on his lap was a little freaky but he loved the mini-shower and could have felt the buzz of "papa's razor" all day.

And so my baby has a faux 'hawk. No more curls over here. It is cute and X LOVES his "dino mokhawk" so all is well. But Papa and I are on the other side of the fence, it's just WAY too short and so different! Those curls left a sweetness, this is all big, tough boy.

There are parts of this sweet little head I hadn't seen in so long though, back of the ears and neck and this forehead! And I'd never realized just how much I play with his curls, until of course I go to detangle and bounce them and they're not there. At the park this morning I even had my first thought of, "I hope his head doesn't get sunburnt"

I think I'll just commit to what I said last time and stick with cutting it myself from now on. Until then, it will grow back!

• 11 Chirping

Wordless Wednesday - Angel Tuesday, September 18, 2007 |

Handsome, originally uploaded by Mama's Nest / Ashlee.

• 12 Chirping

Funktastic Thursday, September 13, 2007 |

I've been in a funk. A very legitimate funk filled with confusion and loss and chaos and busy-ness and fatigue, but a funk none-the-less. Hence the lack of posting and reading and time. I feel like so often I'm putting on a happy face during the day and then when the sun sets, and I get a moment alone, I crawl inside. I welcome that place that is dark and quiet and alone. Not that Xavier never sees me down or upset, because he does. I'm real. But sometimes, the depth of my emotions and my inability to explain them are beyond him. Are unfair.

All too often though, it's my husband who suffers. He works so hard to provide for us and waits and waits for moments of togetherness. I'm sure he'd agree that all too often they just don't come. Part of it is simply being busy- keeping two businesses, start-ups in the air during my Mommy-downtime, all while already being falling down tired by the time he gets off work just doesn't bode well.

It has been weeks since I've felt "normal", but I'm getting there - date night with my darling husband (just the two of us!), some catching up time with some of my favorite girls (car rides ARE therapy) and this boy that knows just when I need a belly laugh (encouraging our inner Appatosaurus works wonders). On top of that I'm learning that it is ok to ask for help when you really need it (or think you might really need it sometime soon).

The things I have control, dominion over, are mine to change but that isn't much- my thoughts, my actions, my outlook. The rest, well, it's not going anywhere. Fall is starting to settle in and with it, a peace- a promise. As the air turns crisp and the color fades, things seem to whither and deconstruct. The slate wipes clean, refreshed and rests - so that life can begin again- new, unburdened, innocent. It will without fail. And so will I.

• 9 Chirping

Morning Giggles |

I can always count on potty time for the best conversations. This morning during X's poop run I was not disappointed.

X: "Mama, Pony book, read it!"
M: "You read it to Mama, please"
X: "Ok. Doggie... Kitty Cat... Mouse... Hedgehodge... (skips over cow) PONY!!!"
M: "There's your Pony! Can you tell Mama what the Pony says?"
X: "Pony. NEIGH!"
M: "That's right, and how does the Pony move?"
X: "Pony move? Pony gallops! This pony gallops WONKY!"
M- "Wonky?!"

Now, I do remember once upon a time telling Xavier that our shopping cart wheel was wonky, but it was some time ago. Ah! I needed that laugh!

(is this one of those had to be there situations?)

• 10 Chirping

Wordless Wednesday -The Big Blur Wednesday, September 12, 2007 |

• 5 Chirping

Welcome To The World Monday, September 10, 2007 |

Congrats to our dear Jaymi (Flip Flop Mamma) and family! They just welcomed their newest addition! As much as I want to spill the beans you'll just have to wait for the official announcement!

• 2 Chirping

Labor Day Monday, September 03, 2007 |

Cook-out Schmook-out. We're all about the Dino's today.

And yes, I know, I really need to post about our trip.

Here's hoping it truly is "labor day" for this lovely mama!

• 6 Chirping