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About

Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

Stay at Home What?

Not my most eloquent post but you get the idea...

Stephanie has blogged several times about the whole Mom vs Mom issue. Stay at home mom's griping about the working mom and working Mom's demeaning those staying at home. It's silly that whole thing. Different things work for different people, why can't we all just get along!
That being said...

I belong to Mamasource, it's a great idea really- you sign up by location, mom's post their questions and other mama's respond with suggestions and ideas. The only problem is that on an almost daily basis I am disturbed either by questions posted and/or the responses given. It ranges from "Are these people really that clueless?" (well at least they're asking) to "Are you sure that's legal?" (seriously!) Again different things work for different people I am just amazed at, and disturbed by, the prevalence of detachment parenting among some of the mom's (and there are hundreds) that post.

Today I was forwarded a posting by a mom. She said she was about to become a stay at home mom for the first time (yay! right?) and wanted some advice on what to do- you know other than watching TV and cleaning. She really wrote that! Because all that stay at home mom's do of course is watch TV...and clean. (can someone help me out here because I have serious trouble finding TIME to clean, let alone park it in front of the TV!) And it gets better. My initial reaction is that maybe this is a new mom, still getting used to her 'mommy' role, had to return to work right away and is just nervous about the transition to full time parenting. But then I read further and find that the woman in question has not one new baby but three kids- aged 16, 6 and 1! I am speechless, is she that clueless about how to interact with her children? Isn't the whole point of being a stay at home mom to mother? To spend time with your children - teaching, playing, nurturing?

I'll leave it at that.

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  • Blogger Adventures In Babywearing says so:
    12:01 AM  

    Oooh eeee... I unsubscribed from Mamasource because it was too upsetting for me to read some of those posts... stay at home mom- oh, such a hard one. Um, maybe she could just try to be a MOM? Hoping you can note my tone of sarcasm... top

  • Blogger Kili @ Live Each Moment says so:
    12:11 AM  

    All I have to say is staying home is WAY harder than I thought it would be! top

  • Blogger isunshine says so:
    7:00 AM  

    OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I can't believe that someone would actually have to ask that question. I, unfortunately, am not a stay at home mom, but I do get extended breaks from my job (year round school teacher) and I know that when I am at home for those times I find it just as hard to find time to clean as when I am working. And watching TV, what is that? I actually got rid of our cable over a year ago b/c I thought it was silly to pay for something we didn't use!

    Oh, and I hope you all don't mind, but I mentioned you and Stephanie and Tasty Vegan on my blog the other day. top

  • Anonymous O Mama Mia says so:
    7:52 AM  

    Oh POO! Yep, must be THAT clueless. And don't you know that while we're parked in front of that TV, we are munching on bon bons & not gaining an ounce? pft.
    That is just so sad. I have a marathonner friend who just recently told me that full-time mothering is harder than a marathon. And far more rewarding too. I'll amen that. top

  • Anonymous Leslie says so:
    8:31 AM  

    Saying hello from The Ultimate Blog Party!

    Cleaning? Is THAT what I am supposed to be doing? Oops! top

  • Blogger Rona's Home Page says so:
    10:29 AM  

    Wow! What does one think people do at home. You're busy. I work, clean, organize, run errands, educated and raise our teen, help my husband with his day, ect. I don't have enough hours or energy to get it all done.
    Loved this post. top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says so:
    10:58 AM  

    i kind of want to stick up for the mom with 4 kids -- once you have 4 kids and work, the kids unfortunately, by necessity, have to become more self-reliant. perhaps she has no clue about being a SAHM because she is single or otherwise has to work. anyway, being SAHM is harder, way harder, in my view, than working -- the work is non-stop, and you get NO CREDIT from the outside world. but as for the reasons why this mom was clueless... if she has been a working mom for 16 years... of course she would have no clue. my own mom worked and had 3 kids. and we still love her. :) so i guess i'm kind of defending her cluelessness... :) some moms just genuinely don't know, because they haven't been there, for one reason or another. i've been reading this blog for a few weeks now, and am addicted. and after all these weeks i'm finally coming out to comment. :) please keep it up! top

  • Blogger Heidi says so:
    11:24 AM  

    Yeah it's discouraging to see the other side of parenting. I belong to this baby page that I joined and haven't been back in a long time. One woman posted about what she would really "need" for her new baby - besides a carseat and a crib and clothes etc. Everyone else replied with - bouncy chairs, swings, and all kinds of stuff. I was the first one to mention that a new baby just needs love and care from its parents and that I'd invest in a good sling since whatever the baby's personality it would want to be close to her.

    Apparently out of about 50 people with baby's due in August on this particular message board I was the only one attachment parenting. I don't even go there anymore because I just can't relate to the questions/posts that they talk about. top

  • Anonymous Garry says so:
    11:27 AM  

    Staying at home can be a challenge in itself. A lot of people don't understand what it is like unless they are in the same situation as yourself. Being in a situation where your spouse is working and you are stuck at home but want to do more is frustrating. Having a computer and Internet access typically leads people into the researching the idea of trying to make money online by joining one or a few of the thousand different so called, "Make Money Online" programs. When the result from that turns out to be different than what was expected, then things get worse. Staying at home, is definitely difficult. If you are home raising kids, and also want to raise goals and feel good about yourself, this all can be a very challenging time mentally and emotionally. I totally understand the difficulty of being a stay at home mom. Which is rare to discover, because I am a guy... and guys get stereotyped almost more they ladies do! My wife works full time and I am a stay at home dad. It is challenging, but we have to live by how dice is rolled. I enjoy my time with my children, but the daily responsibilities with being a stay at home parent and most definitely challenging... One of the most challenging was learning how to cook! lol!!! Sounds crazy... but I can't tell you how many meals I have screwed up! Cleaning, laundry, and other daily routines are fine... the challenge is running the house and keeping things organized. I never really have much time for a break because we have three kids and there is always something going on. But all in all... its a challenge, its our family and life is fun! top

  • Blogger Tonya says so:
    1:38 PM  

    that breaks my heart to hear whether it was a stay at home mom or a working mom. Anyway I found you through the blog party!!! top

  • Blogger Ribbon Rock Star says so:
    3:59 PM  

    HI!! This is my first time over here. I came via "THE PARTY"!!

    WOW, you mean some of you actually clean during the day?? HAHA

    I just sit around watching soaps and eating bon bons! ((Don't I wish))!

    UHHH Yes some are clueless as to what really goes on with SAHM'S!

    Linda top

  • Blogger Amydeanne says so:
    4:32 PM  

    wow.. not sure what to say over that.. I can understand some of it, it is a "new concept" to a lot of people, even though it's really an old one kwim?
    It's a good thing they are seeking help in their "mothering" isn't it?
    Of course if they walked through my house these days I'm sure they'd be asking "what exactly do you do all day... " lol

    anyhow, don't forget to stop by and grab some party favors @ the 160acrewoods!

    Amydeanne
    ~following the Ultimate Party Trail top

  • Blogger JoynerFam says so:
    5:15 PM  

    While I admit even I have a hard time watching tv all day at least its noggin. I make sure its tv appropriate for arthur and I get involved with him during the show. As for cleaning i try and do vacuming, and laundry on friday no matter what. At least oprah with no kids admits stay at home moms have the hardest job. Sometimes I get so worn out I wont even go out to the store even though I havent been outside in forever. It tougher than I ever thought it would be. I just need to get on a better diet when Im alone top

  • Blogger Shelly says so:
    5:56 PM  

    I belong to mamasource as well but I just delete the emails.

    Great post :o) top

  • Blogger Teena says so:
    7:14 PM  

    Hi! I'm here for the Ultimate Blog Party!

    Party on!! top

  • Anonymous Lori says so:
    3:06 PM  

    Your post really made me laugh (out loud)... but seriously -- no, it's not easy finding time to clean. And television, yeah - right. Contemplating Tivo for just that reason...

    It sounds like Moms like these might be well advised to consider working from home.

    They can fill that work void and ease into being a full time Mom.

    My 2 cents ;-) top

  • Blogger Carrie says so:
    11:13 PM  

    Hey! Followed the link through the blog party deal. As a new mommy, I rather enjoyed your blog. I'll check back in!

    This post, btw, made me smile. top

  • Anonymous Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats says so:
    3:55 PM  

    I hear you! I'm about to do some research and start a new "regualr" post about being "just a stay at home mom." I'm so sick of it! Anyway- I can go on and on about this one. top