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Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

One Year Ago Today

1 year ago today, I was in labor. Scared. Worried. Terrified. It was too soon. We had to wait. Somebody had to do something. No amount of preparation could have prepared me for the day. Our baby boy was born before we'd had a chance to process what was happening. So different from everything we'd planned. There was a moment of joy before reality set in. So small and not yet ready for this world, we'd barely seen him and they (strangers) were whisking him away. Crushed, empty, scared, worried, terrified. I felt responsible- what could I have done differently? why did my body fail us? I thought everyone would blame me. What had I done? I longed for him. Would he live? Where was he? What were they doing to our boy? It was a whirlwind. Fragmented. Such a strange mix of ups and downs, ins and outs. Days and weeks of uncertainty. I never knew I could love so much... and ache so much.

Today it all has crept back in. I've remembered hour by hour where I was last year, what I was doing... if only I'd known what the next few hours would bring. I struggle still to process. To accept. While also knowing it is what it is. If one thing were different we wouldn't be where we are, we wouldn't be who we are. And we are blessed.

Xavier is the most amazing little person I have ever met. And I feel a bit odd saying so because he is my son. But I don't take ownership, he's His boy. And he has purpose beyond that which I can comprehend.

In 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,949 minutes Xavier has gained 23 pounds. Grown 16 inches. Learned to breathe. And nurse. And poop. He's called me Mama and David, Papa. Said "uh-oh" and "I love you" and countless other things. He's signed words and phrases. Learned to roll over, sit up and crawl. He's begun to stand, cruise and gotten close to the first hesitant steps. More importantly he's touched lives. Brought people together. Taught us all so much about live and living. He's proof miracles happen. Living, breathing proof.

11:51pm, one year ago today my child was born. I became a mom. Happy Birthday baby!

*Thanks to our dear Stephanie (and Urban Baby Runway) for Xavier's awesome robot shirt!*

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  • Blogger Adventures In Babywearing says so:
    11:36 PM  

    Oh, beautiful post! He's a miracle, such purpose he most certainly has in life... he is fearfully and wonderfully made...amazing! I love you guys! He looks great in his robot shirt!! top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says so:
    9:19 AM  

    Aww, that post made me cry. I'm so glad that everything turned out wonderfully, and we have little X here to look at on your blog! top

  • Blogger Cyclone says so:
    7:35 PM  

    You gave me chills.

    1st thing I noticed was the robot shirt and the 2nd thing was that vibrating toy from his gifts on Sunday :) top

  • Anonymous Mama C-ta says so:
    8:25 PM  

    So, so sweet. He's doing awesome at 1 not to mention for a preemie! Wow! He's adorable and I love when cool UBR winnings go to cool people! top

  • Blogger Awesome Mom says so:
    10:25 PM  

    What a cutie! It is amazing looking back on the hard road and seeing how much progress has been made and how much you have changed as a person. top

  • Blogger Rona's Home Page says so:
    3:02 PM  

    Happy Birthday Little One! top