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Ashlee is Mama of one darling boy. A 28 week early bird, now 1 and some change, doing beautifully. She lives near Chicago with her sweetheart husband and French Bulldog. She's a thinker not afraid to get her silly on. Babywearer, veggie queen, photography nut. Before the domestic days Ashlee was pursuing a future in developmental psychology but has happily shifted gears in favor of staying at home and couldn't imagine doing anything else. In her free time (ha!) you can find her whipping up babyslings, holding down the fort at Mama Speaks and spotlighting as an Itsy Bitsy Yoga Instructor.

The Test

I guess it depends on how you look at it as to whether I "passed" or "failed". The test was negative. Sure we're not at all ready yet - financially, emotionally - and Xavier is still very much a baby himself. But after a few days of feeling off and thinking, that, just maybe... there was a part of me that secretly got all lovey and excited. And while I thought I'd feel relieved, there was, in truth, more than a twinge of disappointment.

I'm excited to see my belly grow again... to make it to, and through the uncharted waters of those 3 months we missed out on the first time around... excited to experience the healing I know it will bring... excited above all to witness the creation of a new little life - again.

Yet, I know I need to enter without expectation, which in itself tells me that I am not ready. So, in time... our time, God's time, we'll know when.

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  • Blogger Adventures In Babywearing says so:
    11:41 PM  

    I have taken so many negative tests in our time- even ones where we *really* weren't sure how we felt, but secretly & deep down we always wanted it to be positive.

    Yes, the best time is in His time.

    You are such a great mother- you will do fantastic with another baby (full term!) whether it is sooner or later. top

  • Blogger Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) says so:
    4:49 AM  

    Yes, God's timing is always best... but it can be difficult to wait sometimes. top

  • Blogger beth says so:
    12:23 PM  

    I've been going through some similar emotions as I have been feeling...funky lately. I don't need a test to know it isn't so right now, but it always does make one a little disappointed. I know we're not ready either but I relate - I kind of want to feel it again. All in good time... top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says so:
    1:40 PM  

    I have taken 3 tests in my lifetime (2 positive, 1 negative). Like you said, God's time is the best time. Enjoy this time with X and see what the future holds..... top

  • Blogger Cyclone says so:
    8:08 PM  

    Every month that I'm not pregnant we're both really sad. We're not trying--but each of us "secretly" hopes that I am, because it would be wonderful. top